The Making of "Celebration of Life"

I presided over my dad's Celebration of life.  These words helped me to capture the spirit of his celebration.  The Chinese translation is done by Doris Tong, of Montreal.  I would to thank her for taking the time to help the entire process and make it signified in Chinese and for those who could not understand English.

The Making of “Celebration” 「生命讚美」的成形

Why 起因

When my father first was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, my focus was on how to get him to see the right doctors and best treatment possible. When the final diagnosis was made, that he suffered a mass about 2.5 x 2.5 x 3.5 cm on the head of pancreas, I figured out his time was limited. I wanted to do something to remember him, so the first thought was I want to be the chief celebrant of his Celebration of Life. This was to differentiate this rite from traditional Taiwanese “Say Good Bye” service. The entire service was in my opinion very solemn, sad and morbid. It focuses on the past life of the dead and on the dead, and the entire service was sad, and people that went there were sad, and I think focuses on the part of the decease that was the saddest.

當我的爸爸被診斷出胰臟癌時, 我一心一意地要為他找到合適的醫生來給他做最好的治療. 診斷結果的報告出來, 大約有2.5x2.5x3.5公分大小的腫瘤長在胰臟頭部的地方. 我想他的時間大概也不多了. 我便思量著要為他做點甚麼來紀念他. 首先想到的是, 我要來擔任紀念他生命讚美儀式的主禮者. 為的是要有別於台灣傳統的「告別式」. 在我看來, 這種傳統的儀式是非常莊嚴,哀傷,對於死亡本身有一種病態的表達. 整個儀式的中心放在逝者本人和逝者過去的一生, 是哀傷的. 而參加儀式的親友也哀傷不已, 我想著重在逝者身上的這個部分是最令人感到哀傷的.

My experience of my sister Christine's passing was like that. The first time I saw my sister was the part that left me the worst impression. I went with my brother Andrew, and at the actual crematory where we were asked to 'identify' my sister before they prepared her for the service. Her body was just pulled from the cold storage, and she did not look like herself. She was still in the body bag, at this time, she was there for a whole month, dried up. I was just literally off the plane the night before, and this is not the best way to identify and see my deceased sister. The whole process does not take care of the surviving family, it focused on the professional, cold, impersonal procedure. “Identify this person, is this your sister,” and then they whisked her away. When I saw her again, she was drowned in a ton of flowers, and some light make up, but you can tell, this is a dead person, and it has no joy and the entire process was done in a way not to celebrate her life. Yes, this is my deceased sister, and her body was the last part of her journey. But this is not my sister anymore. She has moved on, and journeyed to another place. The following service was very sad, a lot of people came to say good bye, especially those young ladies who were from her church. There is a lot of sadness and the entire service was all about death, and you can feel it.

我所經歷過妹妹仁瑜的葬禮,就是如此. 印象中最糟糕的, 就是在第一次看到妹妹的時候. 我和哥哥仁傑一起到火葬場, 工作人員例行公事式的, 在為葬禮準備整理遺體之前, 叫我們去「確認」妹妹的遺體. 她的遺體剛從冰冷的冷凍櫃拉出來, 看起來一點也不像仁瑜. 她還裝在屍袋裡,到那時為止, 她在冰櫃裡已經整整一個月了. 身體早就乾癟了. 我在前一天晚上才下飛機, 這絕對不是去「確認」和看我那已經去世的妹妹最好的方式. 整過過程一點不顧及也不尊重逝者家屬的感受, 只為了完成商業化冰冷毫無人情味的程序. 「這是你們的妹妹嗎? 請確認一下.」 問完、確認後, 就把妹妹推走了. 當我再看到她的時候,她被埋在花海裡,雖然有淡淡的屍妝,卻很明顯地可以看出來這是一個死去的人, 儀式毫無喜樂,整個過程中並沒有對妹妹的生命有所紀念. 是的,那是我的妹妹,她的遺體是她這一生最後的一部分了. 從此以後, 她再也不是我的妹妹了, 她將會繼續她的旅程去到另一個地方. 接下來, 告別式是那麼的哀傷, 許多人來與妹妹告別,特別是那些她教會裡年輕的姊妹們. 有著許多的哀傷,儀式強調的是死亡, 讓你真的可以感受死亡的冰冷和悚然.

Is this the best way to commemorate a love one? Christians are supposed to believe in a life that is celebrated to be with God. Yet in a service like this, it is similar to what St Paul described as 'sadness as if they have no hope.' “Brothers, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you will not grieve like the rest who are without hope.” I Thess 4:13. We grieved as if there is no hope. Of course, I no longer believe in the traditional teaching of the life everlasting, but it is a Christian belief that we ought not to grieve and deny our hope of life to be with God.

這是用來紀念已故親人最好的方式嗎? 基督徒本來就應該相信與神同在一處的生命是值得歡喜慶祝的. 像這樣的喪禮倒有點像是使徒保羅所說的「你們憂傷，像那些沒有指望的人一樣」 帖撒羅尼迦前書 4:13「論到睡了的人，我們不願意弟兄們不知道，恐怕你們憂傷，像那些沒有指望的人一樣」 我們憂傷好像那些沒有指望的人一樣. 當然,我不再相信有關永恆生命傳統式的教導, 而基督徒的信仰應該是不要憂傷,不要去否認我們對生命回歸神的盼望.

I want to design a service fit for the occasion for my dad's departure and also to commemorate his life and not focus on his illness or death. It should do justice to his journey in this world.

我要為父親設計一個能夠恰當地述說又紀念他生平的儀式, 不要著重在他的病情或死亡. 這樣才能夠公平地看待他的一生.

As Christians pay less and less attention on the eternal life of the decease, these services become more and more to commemorate the life of the person. This is the reason why we call this 'Celebration.' It is to remember the stories and the life events of my dad, so that people would walk away knowing that he has lived. The entire rite would focus on his life and not his death and certainly I would not focus on his eternal life with God. That part, is best left up to the person, and it does very little to comfort the living.

在基督徒越來越少提到有關逝者永生這一部分的同時,這些儀式就更成為紀念逝者一生的儀式了. 這就是為什麼我把它稱為「生命的頌讚」的原因. 目的就是要紀念我父親一生的故事和他生命中一些重要的事蹟.好讓來參加的親友們知道,我父親是踏踏實實地過一輩子的. 整個儀式會以他的生命為重心, 而不是他的死亡, 我更不會強調他在神那裏永生的部分. 那一部分,是已逝者的,而它對於活著的人是起不了甚麼安慰作用的.

So a new rite was born.

於是一個新的儀式就產生了!

Theme

主題

I started to prepare dad's Celebration almost when I knew his life was limited to 'weeks.' I started out as a fundamentalist, and as a fundie, I find the words of the Holy Scriptures comforting. “Consider the lilies...” This thought came to me and I looked this up, and gradually settled on the theme of the flowers of the field, using Isaiah 40:6-8 and the companion Mathews 6: 25-34. The New Testament teaching was focusing on the concept of 'flowers of the field' which when translated into Greek, it becomes our lilies of the field, and the key word 'glory' was implied in the raiment of King Solomon is all his glory.

我著手進行父親的「生命的頌讚」是在得知他的生命只剩下幾個禮拜的時間之後. 我是基要派的,身為基要主義者,我從聖經裡找到安慰的話語. 「想想那野地的花」 在我腦海中浮現了這段話,於是我查了一下這個經文,慢慢地,主題就敲定在「野地的花」.引用以賽亞書40:6-8,再加上馬太福音6:25-34做為輔助的經文. 新約聖經的教導是著重在「野地的花」的概念,用希臘文翻譯出來就是「我們野地的花」,而關鍵字「榮美」就是用所羅門王衣裳的榮美來做比較.

I spent a few weeks transcribed the Hebraic text from Isaiah 40:6-8, and then I also tried to translate it into Taiwanese, using Romaji. Understanding its structure, it allows me to find its poetic flow and thereby making my translation a better one. I also found out that the main teaching was “all flesh is grass and their 'hisath' (faithfulness, lovingkindness) is like the flowers of the field” in the original Hebrew. But New Testament text was 'glory' instead of 'hisath' and so in the Matthew's gospel, Jesus uses the word 'glory' instead of 'lovingkindness.' I followed the Septuagint text and in my final translation I used this ancient Christian text.

我花了幾週的時間去翻譯希伯來文的以賽亞書40:6-8,接下來再試著用羅馬字把它翻成台灣話.在理解它的結構之後,理出其中詩文修辭的條理,讓我的翻譯能夠更接近原文. 我又發現在希伯來原文裡, 它主要是在教導「世人皆如草,他們的信實仁慈如地裏的花」. 但在新約聖經裡是「榮美」而不是「信實慈愛」,馬太福音中耶穌也是用「榮美」而不是「信實慈愛」. 於是我按照七十士譯本的經文,在最後的翻譯採用了古代的基督教聖經.

The theme was not to worry about things that you cannot change and as flowers of the field, their glory outshines the raiment of the glory of King Solomon, and yet the grass in the field although they are here today, yet tomorrow are destroyed. God still dress them in their finest, and so do not worry about tomorrow, for it is enough to worry about something for a day, and tomorrow has new worries. “Sufficient is the day and the evil thereof.” So limit your worry to one day, and this is closest to what I would do in my circumstances. My dad will die and there is nothing we can do about it. It will also happen to all of us, and there is nothing we can do about it. What will happen, will happen. 儀式的主題定在別為了你無法改變的事憂慮,就像是那些勝過所羅門王衣裳榮美的野地的花,還有那些今天青翠無比而明天就枯萎的野草. 神仍然為它們穿上最美的衣裳. 所以莫要為了明天憂慮,一天的憂慮一天當就夠了,明天自有明天的憂慮. 「今日自有今日憂,明日且有明日愁」. 所以呢,把你的憂慮範圍縮小到今天吧,而這就是我在面對環境時所採取的態度. 我的父親終究會去世,我們無法為他做甚麼. 有一天,死亡也會臨到我們每一個人,同樣的,我們也不能做甚麼. 該來的,總是會來!

So the theme was born. It is about the glory of the flowers of the field and this is to commemorate the frailty and the beauty of life. 主題就這樣誕生了. 用野地的花來紀念生命的脆弱與短暫.

Structure結構

The first passage that I thought is most appropriate is Ecclesiastes 3. It talks about life and there is time for everything under the sun. We love and hate, we gather and we disband, we are born and then we die. All things are beautiful in its time. God made it so, so the teacher taught. The entire book tells you how frivolous what we do in life when we seek pleasure, and accumulate wealth. At the end, we all have to die. And all these frivolous things cannot extend our lives, and yet we must each live an honest good life. This passage was first chosen to be read in the Celebration to illustrate living. My dad loved money and properties, and none of these can go with him. But that is his life. At the end, I would like to be remember as someone who love living and lived and has a lot of fun in this life, even though we all know that 'vanity of vanity, all is vanity.' Knowing all these are vanity and empty and catching after the wind, and yet as humans, we must live this life for no one can do it for us. So, I chose this passage to be read in the first part of the service.

傳道書第三章是我首先想到的最恰當的經文. 它談論生命,又說到日光之下萬事皆有其時. 我們的愛與恨,取與捨,生與死. 萬物各按時機成長綻放美好. 神造它如此,而教師也是如此的教導. 整卷經文都在告訴你,我們為了追求享樂與財富所做的一切是多麼的虛空. 到頭來,我們都免不了一死. 這些虛浮的追求並不能使我們延年益壽. 即便如此,我們每個人都應該老老實實、好好地過日子. 這段經文是被選來在「生命的頌讚」儀式中誦讀用的. 我爸爸愛金錢與房產,而這些都不能跟著他一起去. 然而這就是他的一生. 最後,我想要大家記得的是他熱愛生命,實實在在的過日子,一生中也有許多歡樂的時光. 雖然我們都知道「虛空的虛空,凡事都是虛空」 知道凡事都是虛空,捕風, 既然是人,我們就得自己過自己該過的日子,因為沒有人可以替我們活. 因此,我選定這段經文,把它放在儀式中的第一個部分來唸.

Because of the circles of life is endless and it continues and is on going, I decided to have circles of circles of circles in this Celebration. It is what I see in life. The beginning is the end and the end is the beginning. This goes on and and on and on. And in this circle of life, we all live.

因為生命是一個沒有起點與終點的圓, 而且是永不停息的運轉著. 於是我便決定把生命無始無終的圓放在這次的頌讚儀式中. 這是我對生命的領會. 始即是終,終即是始. 永無止境. 而我們就活在這個生命的圓裡.

I found the music 'On the Nature of Daylight' by Max Richter beautiful. Perhaps, it is to show life and light in an unending circle, and I was touched when I heard it in the movie “Arrival.” After listening to other music, I found the slow and repeating nature of this music very beautiful; reflective and somewhat sad. But it is respectful and it comes to a climax and then slowly fades into the back ground. It has in itself, helped to do what I cannot do, so I placed it both in the Prelude and the Postlude. A very kind person whom I have never met on the Youtube sent me his transcription and music sheet, saying he played it at his grandmother's service. So I showed them to my kids and none of them want to touch it, and my cousin Pei said it was too complicated. So my last resort is to use a recording and play that at the Celebration.

我發現Max Richter所做的'On the Nature of Daylight'的曲子很優美. 或許,它要呈現生命與光是一個永無止境的圓,在聽到電影「Arrival (異星入境—中譯)」播放這曲子時,我很感動. 之後,我又聽了其他的音樂,發現這緩慢又反覆的曲風非常優美,很有意境而且有點傷感. 但它是肅穆的,在達到高潮之後又慢慢地褪到背景中. 這個音樂本身做到了我所無法做到的,因此,我就把它當作前奏和後奏來用. 一位我在Youtube結識卻素未謀面的好心人,把他轉抄的稿子和樂譜寄來給我,告訴我,他在他祖母的儀式中就是彈奏此曲. 於是我把樂譜給我的孩子們看,卻沒有人要去碰它, 而我的表姊佩香也說它太複雜了. 所以,最後的辦法就是把它錄起來,在頌讚儀式中播放.

To show that the perfect circle of life, both Prelude and Postlude is the same. After I thought of playing it at the Celebration, I found also it is better to show some slides of flowers. By now, I have designed the book cover, using stars of Bethlehem as the cover, and nectarine blossoms as the back. An online website, Canva.com is exceptionally easy to use and the result is great. I then decide to put about 60-70 slides of various of flowers I have taken between 2014-2015. Most of the flowers of the field around the spring were crocuses. So the book cover and the slide show was born.

為了要呈現生命這個完美的圓,前奏與後奏用的是同一首曲子. 想要在頌讚儀式中播放這曲子的同時,我發現播放一些花的投影片會更好. 目前,我已經設計好封面,把伯利恆的星星放在封面,水蜜桃花做封底. Canva.com這個網站特別好用而效果也不錯. 接著,我決定要從我在2014-2015年拍的花卉照片中挑個60-70張來做投影片. 春季的花大多是番紅花. 於是,書的封面和投影秀就此誕生.

I place the Lord's prayer at first and the Jewish Q'adish (mourner's prayer) at the end, two scriptures read, Isaiah 40:6-8 and Ecclesiastes 3, and three Christian hymns in the first part of the Celebration (my dad's favorite hymn, two cousin's hymns) and corresponding to Ave Maria with two Taiwanese folk songs. In the center of the rite was 'A Look Back' (video of his life, 8 minutes) and the sermon “A Few Words” (8 minutes with simultaneous translation). It is about circles of circles of circles. This is what life is. 我把主的祈禱文排在最前面,猶太人的Q'adish(哀禱文)則放在最後面. 兩個讀經,以賽亞書40:6-8;和傳道書 3. 還有3首基督教詩歌(我爸爸愛聽的詩歌, 2首表兄弟姊妹獻的詩歌)在頌讚儀式的前半段, 用2首台灣歌搭配Ave Maria. 儀式中穿插了「回顧」(他的一生, 8分鐘長的影片), “A Few Words”講道 (同步翻譯, 8分鐘長). 這是關於無止境的圓. 也就是生命.

So this is how I design the Rite of Celebration.

這也就是我設計頌讚儀式的由來.

The making of the Rite of Committal is slightly different from the Celebration.

委託式的製作則與頌讚儀式稍有不同.

The Day After

 

Written March 22, 2017, after the passing of my father due to pancreatic cancer in Scarborough, ONT.

I have dreaded phone calls. But lately the phone calls have gotten desperate. These have been mostly all thorough the day. Phone calls would come in the day when I was making a filling, or answering questions about how best to approach a dental problem. Of course, it got more desperate when my dad was being sent back to the hospital at the emergency room, or that he suffered a massive episode of fever and chills, or that he just got briefly comatose.

Of course the worse phone call is that one that announces his final passing. Dad is gone and there is no more pulse. I can feel the tension and the mourning on the end of the line.

The next day I got up after I had made a lot of phone calls that night. A call was made to Pei my cousin in Vancouver. Pei is like my own dear sister and my Vancouver's Tong family is the most endearing through this ordeal. She would make a call every day to talk to my mom. And of course, I called Hui Mei my cousin in Taipei. Cousin Hui-Mei is the eldest daughter of my first maternal uncle. And then I made another call to talk with Ivan and Doris. They live in Montreal, and Doris has been most wonderful in the making of this little service manual. Her Chinese translation of my own meagerly written text, improves and humanizes it in a much more depth than I can ever do. Thank you. And a lot of time was spent on the basic structure of this liturgical approach, which would be his own funeral arrangement.

The next day I got up, and I was reminded of my duty as a small organic farmer. Chickens. Chickens had to be fed. The day before, the Monday, I was too exhausted to get up after a long fight which landed me in Logan at 8:25 PM but the P & B Bus was not there till 9:15 and got me safely back to the Cape at 12 AM. That next day was about trying to take care of patients and this special patient who was to celebrate her 101 birthday, but her front tooth fell out a few days before. I got there just in time. That afternoon, the dreaded phone call came. I had top go home to wait for more information.

But the day after my dad's passing, I had to get up and feed the chickens. Chickens, there are lots of them, numbering more than 50. We have had them for awhile now. They are eager to see me, make their welcoming noises, after I put out the watering buckets, and dispense five large scoops of feed, plus whatever left over rice and scraps from the kitchen day before, the chore is done. Washing frozen waterers, and getting food to them, this is my chore everyday. And shutting down the coops and making sure our chickens are safe, this is the duty of my teenage son Christian. He is the only one who is responsible now. The others have more “important” things to do. Christian my son is the responsible chicken farmer all through the time we had him feed chickens during his Middle School years.

Feeding chickens becomes the chore on “the day after.” They rely on you for food and protection. Life is often like this. Simplest and most mundane chores define us. Looking into the abyss of death helps us to know we too, are finite. Our days are numbered and we cannot increase them even if we beg and plea. These short and finite chunks of time will be spent one way or another. Some spend their chips of time on making money, making themselves grand. These are shakers and movers of history. Others tend to family and work, still, others run from family and personal chores. Others spend the time in hospital and sickness. There is no telling what life and what the deck of cards it dispenses. We each get a chip and we have to figure out what to do with it. I feed chickens and tend a family of 7, plus a large number of patients who help us to make a living here on Cape Cod.

Chickens. Lots of them are still awaiting me this morning. Chores as simple as these define who we are on this green earth. And feeding them and tending them, making me a better person, and thereby complete the cycle of our dependence on nature. God is good, after all. The kingdom is not far from us.

Chickens beckon. I have to go feed them now.

Do you want chickens?

On Losing Faith, Evangelical Style

The following is directly taken from the Ventriloquist, part of the Cedarville University.


"I came into Cedarville University much the same as any wide-eyed freshman. I had just finished my classical Christian education, and after a life-long dedication to my church and my God it only made sense to attend a Christian university. Of course, the not-so-gentle prodding from my parents pushed me to make this decision, but I was convinced it was my decision.

My freshman year was no different then any of the other 900 freshman at Cedarville. I slacked off, was involved in nothing, and acted like the same child I was in high school. Yet somehow it felt like a home to me. For the first time in my life I felt like God had done something for me. After all, how could he not been happy with me? I've spent my entire life in Christian education, played in church band, and taught Sunday school. But like every good Christian I had my doubts that I never talked about. I had never "felt" God in my life, but I always blamed myself. I wasn't trying hard enough, or I was being selfish. I just resolved that if I kept trying I would catch up with everyone else eventually.

Following my freshman year, I decided to be a camp counselor at a church camp in Indiana. It was here that despite the fun times and friends I made, I couldn't shake one feeling. None of this was real. While we told ourselves that we were doing the right thing and bringing children to God, these kids were not making the decision. It was a combination of appeals to emotion and peer pressure making the decisions. Everything about it felt wrong, and I felt I was doing these children a disservice by using these techniques to force them to make life-altering decisions. It was at this point I began to seriously question my faith in God and myself as a person.

It was here that despite the fun times and friends I made, I couldn't shake one feeling. None of this was real.

Throughout the next few years I slowly drifted further and further from God. There was no "lightbulb" moment when I decided not to believe anymore, but by my senior year I had come to the realization that I no longer believed in God. It was not for a lack of trying; I struggled to please God, I yearned for any semblance of approval from him, and this desire lead me to some very dark places. I had convinced myself that my best efforts to do the right thing were motivated out of my own selfish greed, and God would never be happy with me until I was somehow able to figure out how to get past this. It was as if my desire for God was motivated by greed, I lusted for his approval, and this lust actively pushed him away. Everyone around me seemed to have it put together, so why couldn't I? But as the years went on God slowly become more of a magic 8 ball for me. When things were tough I would pray, and when things were good I would ignore my faith. Slowly I began to stop praying during tough times, and I realized nothing changed. I had come to the conclusion, that either God does not exist, or that God does exist but doesn't love me. Either way it meant the same thing for me: I was wasting my time.

When I finally completely stepped away, the effect on my life surprised me. I fully expected for my life to spiral out of control only for me to eventually come back pleading to God, and honestly I hoped for that to happen. I hoped that my heart had simply "hardened for a season" only to come back to God in full force as I was described in more than a few chapel sessions. Instead I felt free, liberated, and a master of my own destiny. Instead of focusing on making God happy I made myself happy, and despite the warnings I had heard this did not make me a horrible person focused on my most primal animal instincts, it made me human.

My senior year was the best year of my college career. I made friends who accepted me for who I am, I learned what I believed in, and I didn't feel the need to follow a certain set of beliefs, both religious and political, just because that's what God would want. It was completely magical. I didn't feel a desire to be a good person because that's what God wanted; I felt a desire to be a good person because that's what I wanted. In the end I discovered myself, who I wanted to be, where I wanted to go, and what I wanted to do. Without this mystical and utterly fucked up version of Santa Claus watching me from heaven I was free to be myself.

As I experienced this life that was my own and completely my own, I began to disdain the beliefs of Cedarville. My eyes had been open to the hate, intolerance, and holier-than-thou attitudes that plagued the campus. I noticed myself challenging the status quo for the first time in my life. I remember engaging in discussions on LGBTQ issues, rape culture, and countless other social issues that Cedarville tends to write off or ignore. And despite being met with constant opposition, I didn't care. For the first time in my life I didn't feel afraid to stand up for what I believe in, because I was confident in my beliefs and myself.

I'm confident this is not an experience unique to me. I'm sure there are many of you out there actively attending a Christian university struggling with your beliefs. My words of advice are simple: Don't worry about what everyone else thinks of you. Spend time finding yourself and be that person. Someone who I trust and respect immensely once told me that life is broken, and sometimes you just have to play with the pieces. If you spend your entire life like I did, struggling to put the pieces of you back together, you are going to be miserable and sad. Instead you need to learn to accept yourself for your own faults and brokenness, and learn to embrace it.

Many people ask if I regret going to Cedarville based on my current beliefs, and I do not regret it for a second. Had I not attended Cedarville I would not have gone through this trying time and I would not be the man I am today. I'm very thankful for Cedarville. I'm thankful for the friends I made there and the experiences I had. But mostly, I'm thankful for all of the fucked up people who taught me to never be like them.'

https://theventriloquist.us/losing-my-faith-and-finding-myself/

Post Note:  I read this initially as I reflect on the firing of Michael Pahl, the professor that was fired in 2013 (or is it 2012), and this campus voice provided a much needed insight into the politics of it.  I can relate to this man as he speaks honestly of his experience as an Evangelical Christian.  Of course, I am certain that his mother is still praying for him and his family and friends circle still deeply care about him.  But his coming of age, and his experience as an Evangelical Christian is unique and yes, not so unique for most of us who were caught up in a movement.  I have not been able to get an honest answer from my Evangelical friends, and all they can say, is that this is a sad story, and I otherwise.  It is good to be, and to be free.  And free at last.

I Remember AW Tozer

 Aunt Kang-I, you have touched on two subjects that are quite dear to me, I will start with the author, Tozer. You mentioned this book, I did look it up and confirmed that it is "The Divine Conquest." I read this book when I was a college junior. I bought it in Calgary as part of the bookfair at my church, Calgary Chinese Baptist Church. When I initially read it, I immediately was very touched about the concept of 'eternal continuum.' He starts out with the idea that people have lost touch with God and could not hear him or feel his immediate presence so they assumed he is not longer with them. Tozer taught me that God is ever the same, this continuation stems from past to the future, nothing has changed. We are ignorant of this fact. I have read many of his works and has uplifted me each time. Books like, "Roots of Righteousness" "Born after midnight" "Collection of the Writings of AW Tozer" It is interesting to point out that Tozer did not have a formal theological or philosophical education, and he presided over only a few Alliance churches in his life time, one in Chicago and one in Toronto (at the modern day Bayview Glen Alliance Church in Toronto - which is not far from my parents' house at the time). 

I have been impressed by Tozer and he taught me that a great book is like a sign post, once it serves its purpose, there is no need of it. And he helped me to realize the futility of being an Alliance church member which I retreated from it in 1988, and have not gone back since. He is right, 'gospel Christians' are shallow, and I was one. I have since then delved deeper into the faith I was given. Sufficient to say that he is the sign post, and after I read him, I no longer need to look to a particular Christian tradition to be justified or to find my meaning in life.

I however, have read and re-read the Divine Conquest, and each time I do, I find more nuance from it. He is a humble man of God, having set his sight on the eternal coninuum, the concept is still well in my heart. I rarely see someone like him today, if there are (I am sure) people like him, they are likely to be buried in the pile of the rubble that screams, yells, and jumps up and down and proclaims their messages through loud microphones, and collect a huge amount of wealth, people and capital, I am sure my teacher Tozer would gravely disapprove of these modern day 'gospel Christians..'

After these many years, the mention of his name (rare these days), still brings a certain warmth to me, for this is someone who has helped me in my journey as a Christian. This journey has been attacked, sacked, jettisoned a few times, and in the end, I still look to him for guidance. Nothing has changed, even though the presence of God we so eagerly seek did change, the ideas of being an Evangelic did change, and the traditional teachings did so change, but this eternal continuum remains.


http://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/RCXoMWHNzQEk9FEvq_Mnzg

The Death of One

http://www.gospelherald.com/articles/71406/20170921/nabeel-qureshi-funeral-ravi-zacharias-reflects-abnormal-life-faith-son.htm

 Here a servant of Christ, a Christian apologist who left behind a young wife and daughter. After his conversion, he repeatedly put his faith in Christ and in the Evangelical message about the validity of his faith. When he was stricken with stomach cancer, every body prayed for him, up lifted him and so did he, with the same faith he was promised. That God is alive, that God is one, and God listens to prayers of his children, and prayers do matter and faith moves mountains. Then he dies. His young wife stricken with utter grief and I am sure, for unspeakable horror and despair, if not for the moment. His young daughter now lives with her mother, without her father. 

So why did God fail to heal him? 

I think death is a natural event, and happens to all of us, sooner or later. There is no escape. It happens that some of us carry the markers of death, some genetic traits mutable and at times expresses its death wish, and the carrier would die. I think his death is a not a remarkable thing that his faith is! But his faith is not miraculous as they claim it to be. It is, just faith. Something they claim it and no validity of its presence in the world. God, this Evangelical God, the God that converts heathens and Muslims, is not real, for he does not exist like they say he does. He is an imagination to many, and prayers to many, and answers none. He is not a real thing, for he does not answer or act when he is supposed to. So prayers went up for healing went in vain. Prayers that sought suffering's relief went on to deaf ears. There was no ears on the other reeving end.

So he died, when he lived, he lived to God and when he dies, he dies to sin, and suffering of this world. This brethren has fallen. I can relate to him, for I too have a young family to raise and a "young' wife, plus responsibilities. But I will not pray to a God that is less than real. I will put my faith in the world, and in this world, my home which I make my humble abode, I shall be, for a time, and I shall be no more. That is my faith, I believe in the world and this is the final resting place I choose, should someday I am no more, I will sail on with a smile, and the firm resolve that I have lived, and in that living, I know who I am, a small speck in the dust , and count less than nothing on the balance. That is what I am. But I will not pray like this brother, for healing and for things. For there is no receiver on the other line. That, is the truth. In the end, put my faith on the firm ground, this world. As a few years ago, I learnt of this truth, if I were ever to be lost, and lost my way, I would put my trust in the world, for the world is greater than I. The world is my home and resting place.


http://www.christianpost.com/news/why-didnt-god-heal-nabeel-qureshi-199618/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zP-VBC59-XQ

prayers that failed:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=anJpMKR22TQ

his own words:

https://www.facebook.com/NabeelQureshi.org/photos/a.848432938510868.1073741827.218959278124907/1644451002242387/?type=3&theater

The Psychology of Mark Maxwell

The Psychology of Mark Maxwell by The Lord Ben Chung (written somewhere in 2011) What I am attempting to do is to give a personal analysis of Mark Maxwell, and if I may through some light to Linda, Cathy and our survivors’ predicament. I. The Old LE (LE Maxwell, previous president of Prairie Bible Institute) It goes back to the Old LE. LE was brought up in the Midwestern part of the USA. I am not too sure of his familiar history, whether there is any hx. of psychological illness, and/or psychosis. The Old LE is a prototype of our modern Prairie (information garnished by reading the Atomic Dude, Linda, other survivors here), that he has a very strong and harsh character, and quite insular, and from the tales Miss Chapman provided, that he is supposedly an excellent Preacher (but after listening to him on the internet, esp. on the 5th commandment, his preaching is not so convincing or that demanding, it looks like our LE is also a product of his time and his teaching fades as I write this article), and has a very strong character. He does not bow to pressure easily. His formal education comes from a small insignificant rural bible college, the Midland Bible College, Kansas, which is the belt buckle of Christian fundamentalism. It is safer to classify him as a classical fundamentalist (as opposed to the Religious Right that is quite political), that is, he is moved by a hatred for modernity: theological or modern scientific findings that contradicted the Bible. This modern view has no place for all the miraculous and supernatural view of the Bible. He must have had a strong hatred and anger about folks who support this method. But he is an old time fundamentalist, that means he has very little interest in politics. Instead, he believes in the imminent, immediate second coming of Christ, and he has no desire to improve human societies. LE wants to evangelise as quickly as possible, and with all means and by all methods. His school is modeled after a boot camp and he requires all hands to submit to his calling. This is the creation of our modern Prairie, as an insular not accountable to the civil laws or modernity. Our Old LE has managed to build a school to conduct a Christian military campaign, and there is a chain of command, so the problem stops with him. No one dares to take the problem outside. I am certain he makes exception to those of his men who commit certain crime and for the sake of the campaign, he let them be. In this authoritarian atmosphere, no one else dares to go beyond the man. And no one trusts his own judgment except to rely on LE’s. This is the beginning of the massive abuses that would be taking place at Prairie. If it is not committed by LE, in this insular authoritarian atmosphere, his second in command or third in command or whoever in command may be guilty and get away with it, as long as they clear this with the man, LE. In this similar way, Mamou children were doomed. The C & MA operated in the same fashion today. They have a strong drive to proselytise anyone that comes their way....but I am jumping the wagon here. LE must have exhibited some form of psychological dysfunctional state that separates him from the rest of our Canadian society. He lives in a bubble that could burst any moment, and he is not interested whether men or women ever get together (ie. To hold a normal marital relation and family life), and I cannot imaging what type of spiritual abuse he did to his own children. I can only imagine. He has to put up an insular face and he is the complete servant of God and everyone must be a missionary, so there goes Paul, Ruth and even our Mark, all of them must live this lie if they had to be a Maxwell. I am not certain this is the right comment, but Ruth Maxwell, correct me if you may. Your family has shown some really psychological dysfunction. For the starter, there must be a black sheep (Mark?) who disagreed with this method, and “rebelled.” I am sure this rebellion caused tremendous embarrass for the school and LE, so they drive that one out and cover it up. Or if that one comes back, he/she is treated very poorly because of the breaking of ranks. Mark might fit into this mold, because he evidently eschews the bible school education. He is into business, I was told at one time he used to sell dental supplies in Calgary, and his training is business and finance. That would qualify him as a black sheep who rebels at the LE’s wish for all his family and grandchildren. One of the instability of LE is seen in the nervous breakdown of Paul Maxwell. I do believe this happened when I was there during 1984-1985, Paul had a breakdown and my underclassman Rick (?) was a witness of it. He would know best what exactly happened. Unless they shielded it from him? This is one of the rare event, I do suggest that we are dealing with a familial trait, perhaps a bipolar disorder, I would not be surprised that LE's trait is passed onto Paul and as a softer man and kinder and gentler man, he simply can not deal with the harshness of the school environment with its legalistic abuses both spiritual and physical and possibly sexual. If I can make this medical diagnosis, that LE is possibly suffering from depression (bipolar, manic-depression), he may also possesses some form of grandiosity. LE's own ego is certainly greater than everyone, for he wanted to evangelize the entire world in his own generation. So he attracts a dysfunctional blue collar people who seek simple black and white answers. These folks do have a very simplistic education and lack critical faulty, which make them an easy pray for LE and this myth of evangelism. Lacking financial resources, and family connections, disposed, and without a hope in this world, they find that fascinating future painted by our LE and his militaristic team. They eagerly embrace this future and looking only forward so that they can usher in the King and most important rapture event. This form of simpleton theological is due to the very bottom layer of society whose lives see very little social advancement and no hope in the world they live. These children become the next sacrifices in the LE’s school. As part of the militaristic discipline, they discipline their children with this blue collar way, chain them to bed, beat them and starve them. These are means by the peasant farmers who used to worked the land. For the fortunate middle class would have money, and with that, they send their kids to a better education, and better future, and they would be in better position than to get cooped up in the militaristic insular bible school of LE. II. Mark Maxwell (current president of Prairie Bible Institute) Coming from this background, Mark "escapes" and goes as far as he can. However, as he runs away from his harmful environment, his past catches up with him. I am not sure what education he has. On his own Towers Financial website, he has a bachelor degree from Trinity Western in business and a MBA from Baylor University in Texas. He is groomed in business and his primary interest is in business. Mark has a poor preparation of theology, not to mention modern sciences as in math, biology, chemistry or engineering, those require a bit of brain. But as a MK, he is a transculture kid, (basically Vivian R Palmer Harvey told me is that she is a third world kid in the first world culture, completely foreign and I can relate to that, for I too, am a TCK.) His poor preparation in the humanities shows up during his interviews recently and his radio address. He comes across as someone who is poorly prepared and redundant, insular and indifferent about the sufferings of our survivors. He actually jokes with his radio host Dan Callaway and both congratulate themselves and down play the numbers of allegations and he is a very poor public speaker. It shows that LE’s trait, other than the psychological genetic depression, has skipped this Mark. Unlike his grandfather, Mark commands little of his presence other than he is a Maxwell. But as the 27 page document suggests, he has a poor choice of words, often vulgar and I would not be surprised he in a real situation swears like the rest of our folks here, and his aim is less than spiritual. I have one phone call with him at the height of PBI/Drumheller controversy. I called and left a message with his wife. Mark did call me back, and one of the interesting thing about him is that he keeps on talking, insular to what I have to say and as if he does not listen well. He mentions that he will beef up the Bible Department, after the stunt that previous faculty pulled. It was not a good choice of word. The entire Bible Faculty petitioned to have the school changed in the Dr O’s vision (to dramatically reduce Bible College), and aftermath of that, was everyone was require to resign from their post immediately. It was very painful for Michael Pahl (who actually married Rock Down’s daughter). I would not call that a stunt, it was a genuine petition to save the contents of the bible college before Dr O changes into a regular community college. But Mark's own escape does not go far. As the previous Prairie president, Ohlhauser needs to have some validation on this before all the Prairie community. The Maxwell's blessing is much more important than god's and so he has Mark on the Board. Frankly I am sure Ohlhauser runs everything, Mark simply goes along. Here, one can say his style is not confrontational. In contrast, Ohlhauser fires people frequently and often. Anyone who disagrees with him is to be eliminated, and so the exodus begins. The best example is what he did to the PCAAT previous Dean or the entire Bible faculty at Prairie. But these events would have pushed Mark into this position today, as the fate would have it. Ohlhauser really messes up and finally loses the entire school support and the school evidently is dying. The last desperate move is to get rid of Prairie community and start over, but Mark has the courage to stop him. so this is where Mark comes in, he is the reluctant and most ill-prepared President of Prairie. Mark has a very poor preparation of theology, I am certain he cannot not read German, and so he is oblivious of what is happening to modern biblical studies. His poor education does not include Hebrew or Greek or classics, so he has not much philosophical preparation, which is vital to the direction of the school. He so far, merely reacts to whatever that has happened today. He gets rid of Ohlhauser and is forced into this position. I critically ask what qualification has he, other than he is the only male alive and breathing Maxwell? With a background of a very strong but psychologically unstable grandfather, borderline abusive in his language and action, the actual nervous breakdown of his own uncle, Paul, which suggests his has a trait of this psychological illness, and now when confronted, Mark is clueless. Linda, I hope you have your answers already. He is completely inept to deal this environment of abused. Perhaps he is a survivor of some sort, I will not be surprised. I know I made a lot of assumptions, but this is the best diagnosis I can come up, given my background and the critical training I received with my own medical/dental training. Hope it makes sense, I would welcome any critic on my own analysis. thanks all. * One small note about Mark after I read these 27 pages of Notes by Hank. It does shed light on the real Mark, who has very little moral fabric and cares very little about the people he works with. He is almost like the Dr O we just gotten rid off. I think Mark paid him off with these loans mentioned, some 50,000 and 220,000 as these were forgiven. Mark speaks as a modern man, lies, curses as usual that is current with his work in the financial world. Most of these folks I might add, have very little moral fabric. Despite what he shows in public, he does not have any ounce of care to those he gotten rid of. I think the school is doomed and the money will slowly transfer from the school into the pocket of Maxwell. Wayne Nelson is only a pawn and as such, not worthwhile and when Mark has no need of this jester, he will also get rid of him as well.

On Moody Bible Institute: A Boot Camp

On Bible Boot Camp:

I can relate to this MBI Boot Camp. I spent four years in a charismatic church in Vancouver, BC, taught by the arch fundamentalists using ‘Accelerated Christian Education’ curriculum, and my senior year was spent at Prairie High School, part of Prairie Bible Institute. I also memorized bible verses using King James Version. Even today, some forty years later, I can recall biblical verses and the passion for the truth has not been extinguished. Unlike you, Bart, the Exalted One, I have no luck in seminaries. My own pious folks talked me out of going to bible college, and later on seminary. But in my spare time, I was thoroughly indoctrinated by the teachings of ‘Complete Works of Francis A Schaeffer.” and other apologists of the faith. It is only years later, after I have come to the conclusion that my faith is an elaborated construct, something that may not be real or true. But for years, I resisted the liberals and their teachings about the bible. Reading your books for commoners like myself helps me to get out of this intellectual prison. Your book on suffering really helps to nail it, for me, it is personal why I finally reject this fundamentalist faith. I have lived to witness absurdities in the churches, of drunken pastors, lesbians who did not practice what they preached, abuses of all sorts, but that did not touch me. You’d must be familiar with the comments we are exhorted to ‘look to Jesus and not to men.” They thus give a pass to all sorts of absurdities in the faith. But a personal thing happened while I struggle with my faith. It was in the marrying my wife I gradually came to see how absurd I was and that my childhood faith is no longer sufficient or real to live in this world. That personal experience, not intellectual doubt, helps me to come out gradually. I am still pretty much the same person, same fundamentalist today. I don’t smoke, drink or dance. I am uncomfortable to swear, and my life style is the same old boring self. But I am a new person today, reading and re-reading your works. I don’s always understand, but I keep on seeking the truth that is in us and in the world. In my being, the teachings found in the gospels are sacred to me, and I try to live a life according to it. For others, it makes no sense, they would perhaps ask why don’t you just throw the whole thing out, and live a carnal life. I cannot, for I esteem these teachings for so many years, it has defined me. But with these discussions, I see that my understanding of the bible and my childhood faith is based on a construct that is no longer. So I now learn to treat LGBT people humanely and kindly, that I no longer ‘evangelize’ for it has no more meaning for me. I also stopped attending church, for I find it difficult to say the Nicene Creed ( like you did).

Would I recommend the Bible Boot camp? I am not sure, but I am equally uncomfortable with an age that is more materialistic, and actively lead an epicurean life. I think, living a life of virtues, for in that, is my reward. I still believe in God, but I would rephrase God as Gott. (the good). A life patterns after goodness, is the best way I can describe my faith today, and that mystic Jesus still puzzles me. So I read and re-read your writings and others. If you have someone on the self-destructive pathway, and there is no answer, use fundamentalist faith, for that maybe the “hatch” (small escaping opening) of this terrible world, for which he maybe able to escape. For someone that has no moral structures, no stable family life or relationship, maybe suicidal, or hateful, what is the harm to teach him that “God is love” and to love others? And it maybe useful to scare him that God is holy and he is all but fire and will burn up sinners in the end. That was how they taught and invented this story to perhaps stop sociopaths of their days. And in the days such as ours, this is why they have so many of them flocking to their churches for clear and back and white answers. You will always have a few percent in the population to do this. This is why religion cannot be exterminated even in a godless society such as the Russians or ours.

There, that is my take on it. Thank you, Bart Ehrman of God, for helping such a sinner as I. 🙂

taken from :

https://ehrmanblog.org/moody-bible-boot-camp/