My Deconversion Story

Benjamin Chung, DMD

August 18, 2012 Common Era

East Orleans, MA

I had been a Christian all my life. I was born into a Taiwanese Presbyterian family, with a few generations of service to this Scottish church. My great grandfather served this church under very meager and harsh condition since his graduation from Tainan Theological Seminary in 1888. He died early in his career, and it was attributed to his work. He was overworked as a minister and the pay was meager and difficult to raise his eight children. As a result, he suffered poor health and died early, when my grandfather was eight. His wife converted to Catholicism, and for that, the removed his name from the roaster. This is how the Scottish Church paid him for his honest work. He left some writing, some recorded the extreme inequality of the pay scale: the masters, the white missionaries got pay ten times than the slaves (local natives). This type of pay scale continued for sometime after his untimely death. We call this practice “exploitation.” This is going to be a continual pattern in Evangelical Christianity.

I no longer hold the god of the Evangelicals true nor do I pray to it or worship it. If I believe in God at all, it is in the human community, the good earth, and values that I share with my fellow humans.

Early in my life, I was baptized as a child. In my upbringing, I started to read the bible, and as part of the Sunday School education, I memorized quite a few verses. This continued when I moved to Canada in the summer of 1980. I was accepted by a local independent Charismatic church called “Glad Tidings Temple.” I spent the next four years in this fundamentalist church, became quite acquainted with Premillennialism, and had a dramatic conversion experience at the age of 16. At that time in my life, I was separated from my own family (my parents were not allowed to stay in Canada), my community (I was cut off from Taiwan), and I received regular indoctrination of man/sin/salvation at this church and my day school. My school, Temple Academy used an irregular and non-accredited fundamentalist curriculum called Accelerated Christian Education. It holds one of the most extreme views on Protestant American Christianity, and it was designed to supplant modern education, and to roll back advances made by modernity. It keeps kids from studying natural sciences, and provides them with a constant bombardment of an out-dated cosmology (Genesis), values, and codes of conduct. I suspect most of kids that completed such curriculum do very poorly in life, and perhaps were kept at the bottom of this modern society because they have no useful skills other than to regurgitate bible verses, and to wait constantly in fear of the second coming. These folks are decidedly 'left behind' by their own inadequate education. My teachers, narrow minded fundamentalists, told us not to study in a regular college/university, less we would be affected/contaminated by humanism. With education like this, you can imagine how many bottom feeders of this society they could produce. My luck was in the switching of this school to another regular Christian school, Prairie High School, in Alberta. It was accredited by the Alberta Education Ministry. Even though it was still a fundamentalist education, I received a much superior education which eventually allowed me to make application to any Canadian university. It was with this regular post-secondary education, I gradually moved on from this type of mind control.

My education by these religious Christian fundamentalists taught me to pay little or no attention to modernity. It permanently damaged my thinking in evolution. After a bachelor degree in Biology, graduate education in dentistry, I still find it difficult to comprehend this scientific theory. I attributed this to my tireless teachers and the damnable curriculum that drilled into my head to disregard science and modernity. It also gave me the anger about the changes that occurred in the development of modern theology. I was told of the great chasm between us as fundamentalists and secular humanist society. We were so certain in the inerrant, inspired word of god. Furthermore, when science and the word conflicted with each other, to disregard the obvious and trust completely in the bible. I was also taught as a Dominionist, that is, our faith is supreme to all other human conventions. My faith in the ancient and stone age teachings of Jewish writing, would uphold the unfair treatment of women (subservient to men, due to their fault at the Garden of Eden and the introduction of sin into the world), of gays (for the longest time, I fear and hated gay folks, thought them as sinful, unnatural and god will destroy them in the future), and slavery ( I find it justifiable that whatever scriptures advocated, it would be fine with me). I also see no trouble with massive genocide described in the bible, and the modern on-going genocide in Palestine between the Jews and the Arabs. I was taught that every thing must be placed under the feet of god and his messiah (Ps. 2).

I no longer do.

I did not arrive at this point in my life accidentally, or by careless wondering, I lost my faith. Instead, I came to this point in my life by some life changing events and intellectually integrity that gradually moved me and propelled me to this current position.

1. Life Changing Event #1
   
   I met my wife in my final dental school year. I had not previously understand my folks, but in this incident, I realize what their religion is. Their religion is their stomach, their desires. As the sacred teaching taught, “their god is their own stomach.” My wife and I came from very similar back ground. We were all raised as Taiwanese Presbyterian, and later on I found out that her great grandfather was in the same seminary class as my great grandfather. My folks main concern was that she did not come from a wealthy family. On that point, I was mercilessly persecuted, yelled at, and humiliated. I was forced to take a job and worked in order to acquire my independence. I had to demonstrate the courage and the will to be, otherwise, I could not married her.

All that time, I wondered often, of what went wrong. I studied at a very prestigious school, Harvard, and I did everything was supposed to do to please my folks. At the age of 28, I seldom date other women, for the fear to upset my folks. My previous adventures were utterly failures, all my former girlfriends were repugnant to my own folks, as they made many excuses whether it be race, culture, or timing. At the age of 28, I grew tired of this talk. I realize that the fifth commandment is not about blind obedience, it was about honouring the parents. But in my folks mind, their own honour was link to their face, and had I married to their will, I would just marry any body they put up, and live with that person for life (Christianity forbids divorce except very strenuous circumstances). My goal at that time was to study theology after my dental training. I even made application to Princeton Theological Seminary, and my wife did not seem to object this as some others had done. Meeting my wife changed all that, and I recanted my application to Princeton, and went to work.

As I stepped out of 'the will of god' began my self-reliance, I was extremely fearful of an angry god, in addition to my own angry folks. That god might strike me down for this blatant disobedience to his teaching. I should have broken up with this MIT educated girlfriend, and married anybody they say. I worked in the slums of Lowell, spent three hours commuting daily for about 5-6 months, until my folks reluctantly granted me permission. As I took the hour long commuter rail from Boston to Lowell, I read Kierkegaard. I admired his courage to do what is right. He taught me that the courage to be. That was a life line to me as a fundamentalist, since beneath the angry, there was fear. The god we worshiped told us to blindly obey our parents, less it would strike us down. I actively disobeyed this god and my folks. I rather be dead than to live like a coward. So far, god did not kill me, and I am still alive, with a lovely family of 7. My lovely children in many ways, repudiated this ridiculous teaching. This first life changing event taught me that this god does not exist, and we need not to fear it. So I became 'depersonalized' of my relationship with it or to its jesus.

2. Life Changing Event #2

I served as a Board of Director at Prairie Bible Institute during 2003-2004. I had spent a lot of time and money at this school. I paid my own way to the board meeting, I donated a good sum of money to this school. I stayed up at night agonizing over my decision to close my own high school. I called the chairman, spoke to other board of directors. They assured me that this is a christian organization, and it would be different from 'secular organizations.' Instead, this is the same if not worse than regular organizations. There was no transparency to all the decisions made on the Board. Every decision has been made prior to my joining the board, they were looking for a rubber stamp. This would have a last impact on my understanding of “the moral superiority” of Christians. They all claim that since they are the new creation, that they have moved from darkness into light. Their actions are blessed by god and they are indeed truer human beings and higher moral beings, and they act much more justly than their unenlightened unsaved neighbours. This is actually a self delusion. They are like their neighbours, and if not, much worse than their neighbours. I would come to this point later in this testimony. My board experience allows me to see past this egregious christian claim, and as I sat there in the midst of an autocratic president, deceitful agendas and uncaring and intellectually inferior board members, I had another life crisis. I had trusted god and these men. None of them are trustworthy, I felt betrayed as my school was closed. I tried unsuccessfully to arouse any alumni by calling them and emailing many. It turned out that they are just as bad as the Board. It seems to me that they have been taught to blindly trust god and this president whom they thought has the will of god to guide school into bigger and better thing. Events would unfold that his unpopular tricks would resulted in the anger of the bible college community and the whole town. They literally ran him out of town. Through this whole thing, I see no hand of god, just merely our own foolishness and the blind trust in a being that is not there, that is not at all powerful, or knowing. And worse yet, I had given a large sum of money to something that would have definitely helped my own desperate financial situation.

This crisis affirms my suspicion that god is not there. We have blindly trust in a being in the sky that was thought to be all powerful, all knowing, and all present. No, this bible college was struggling against the tides of time. It is no longer attractive to young men or women, as the interests in missionary enterprises died, and the money evaporated. This man, Jon Ohlhauser had a very limited education in the fundamentalist college (Liberty University), his dictatorial habits came from his reading of the bible, of his own assimilation of biblical Moses. Neither was the Exodus event historical or if there were other archeological findings to back this (http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/ancient/bibles-buried-secrets.html). Many of our faith community attributed to the appointment of this man as the will of god, and toward the end, the installed the Chairman of the Board as the next president as the will of god. This new president knew all along that Jon was destroying the school, failed to stop him, and is awarded the presidency of the bible college. I am not sure this is the will of god or is it our own foolishness.

3. Life Changing Event #3

I studied biblical Hebrew as an elective course in college. I am very familiar with the first 12 chapters of Genesis. It began to dawn on me after 20 years, that my reading of Genesis is tainted with my own fundamentalist beliefs. These few chapters contradicts modern science, advocates polygamy and the subservience of women, blood shed and human sacrifice. There are many things we no longer accept as valid, and the deity in the Genesis is a vengeful god and his sons had lustful sexual intercourse with human daughters which resulted in the extermination of the supposed human race. This Noahic story is to be a pattern for the future destruction as it was foretold by Jesus in the Gospels. This time, instead of using water, it would be the unquenchable fire. The creation myth is closely approximating Gilgamesh tales, and it would make sense that this myth was perpetuated in Near East where the Jews came from. Stars, little or great light (obviously the author was careful not to use Shamash the sun god) was placed into the firm-dome called the sky. The author had no proper modern cosmology, and there was no way for his imagination to the creation of this world, other a stone age understanding. This is not how the world began. Stars are billion and trillion light years part, and in order for their light to reach the earth, that light had to be travelling a very long time. Geological records point to a very old earth, with many layers of fossils that contain intermediary forms. DNA points to the common ancestors that we share in this gift of life. Furthermore, my understanding of inerrancy was a product of American ingenuity against the development of textual and higher criticism of the christian scriptures. Bart Erhman through his careful studies, established the same conclusion that much of the christian sacred texts were not totally fool-proofed. Much of the textual formation is directly related to the faith communities they come from, and the details of much dispute can be traced to the changes of the ongoing faith communities of shifting and changing christians all over that Roman era. Details in the Gospels conflict with each other, confuse each other, and in a way nullify each others. Jesus has two different genealogical accounts. His teaching varied from gospel to gospel, and the details of his life, crucifixion and resurrection all varied significantly from gospel to gospel. Whether he was silent on the cross, or murmured a prayer, or held direct conversations to his contemporary at that time. Whether there was a large earthquake which resulted in the raising of many dead people, or there was none. Much of these lore cannot be historically verified, and even the person of Jesus is in doubt, much of his life seems to coincide with the deities of that land, during that time.

Lloyd Geering taught me that we create the concept of god. This god is not a person, and at the end of his interview, he believes in the human community and the earth. He has a profound influence in how I see the question of faith.

4. Life Changing Event #4

As I type these words, I no longer profess my belief in a personal god, nor do I have faith in a theological christ. If I have any faith at all, it is in the goodness of people, this community and the world, the earth. I have seen many went into the theological seminaries because they no longer can sustain themselves in a real work, or would hold onto a proper job. Their inability to find regular and meaningful work, propelled them to seek this easy life. They would study at a simple seminary for three years, and upon graduation, they could find a better employment that pays well, demands very little physical or actual work. Indeed, their work is virtual, they preach a god to the taste of their congregation: that is full of love (the congregation needs that), supplies all their needs, blesses them with wealth, jobs and children. That it answers prayers, and in the time of need, to provide virtual comfort. They also justify their being in this type of unproductive work by asking their parishioners for money. I have seen much of this lazy and deceitful practice that they pay no taxes, that they fooled the congregation of their time and money. Worse yet, this instant power allows some of them to sexually molest innocent children and adults. Their preaching of a submissive role of women, and the strict sexual purity practices kept the fear in their congregation. They then proceed to transgress that by sexually molest and rape the young women or children. It happened at my own bible college, and other religious institutions, be it the Catholic churches, Bob Jones University, or Jack Schaap of the Independent Fundamentalist Baptist church in Hammond, Indiana. Indeed, much of the abuses is not just sexual or physical, but emotional or spiritual. These parasites sucked life and money and energy out of their parishioners. I no longer see this type of faith is justified in the insurmountable evidences that point to the simple fact, that their god is their stomach, that they could not take a regular job so their turn to the religious who are simpletons. They dare not question the will of god, and they dare not to ask the obvious question. Should we or should we not spend money and time in these delusions??

Much of the evangelical god and enterprises rest with capitalism. They have an unnatural urge to increase the amount of money and followers. They seek to convert as many as quickly and by all means necessary. They have unexamined their own faith in god and jesus. If they truly believe in this fictional gospel jesus, they would have given all their possessions to the poor, live a homeless celibate life. They would walk “the narrow path”, and live a very modest if not austere celibate life, eagerly waiting for the second coming and the next life. They would abstain from taking the money since in the Acts story, the collection of money was for the saints in Jerusalem (ie. poor people), and no more. There was no mention of building elaborate church buildings, paying the clergy a sizable sum of money and putting them up on the pedestal as the kings and governors of the simpletons. This marriage of capitalism destroys families and rifts them apart from their actual communities. They want more and more followers and conversions, and devote all their energies, and by all means necessary. I see this delusion harmful, and anti-religious. God is not honoured and human communities and families have been unfairly taxed to build bigger and better looking buildings. As they increase in size and numbers, they propelled these men whose intellectual life this world rejects. So they in turn fooled others. These parasites are a burden to society, like all other forms of biological parasites.

My conclusion:

If anything that can be said about seeking a religious life, is to live a religious life. There is no need for any unfounded moral superiority in these evangelical churches. They fooled around as much as others do, and the divorces are more so in the churches than the infidels. Their intellectually dishonesty and their consistent greed is what sets them apart. As I alluded to the early part of my testimony, their god is their stomach (desires). I no longer do believe in this god.

If I believe in God at all, I do so, believing in the goodness every human being who honestly trying to lead a good life, knowing the faults of being human, but able to reconcile that with their neighbours and love and esteem others better than ourselves. Refrain ourselves to take what is not ours, and share the land and its bounty with the animals we live with, and in the world, with courage. That is God, that is God to me, that we have the moral courage to act and do the right thing, and be honest to ourselves.

It is “to do justly, and to love mercy and to walk humbly” with this God.

I wrote this deconversion testimony for a certain group of people. I wrote it first for myself, to summarize why I no longer believe in a personal Evangelical god. And it helps me to summarize why I no longer look to these churches for help and comfort. I also write this for another set of people, of those who are actively taking and sucking on resources of others to fulfill their own damnable desires. This parasitic activities have destroyed families and unfairly burden families in the fear that they had to in order to please god. No, they do not, but they have to have the courage to be. Finally, I write this as a warning to those ministers of the Evangelical faith, that they ought to cross examine their calling, perhaps they can take up meaningful jobs and live a life I can respect, and do not burden others for the work their should have done themselves. It is in the realization that their faith is unusually married to capitalism, that their insatiable greed in en massing great numbers of money, people and resources. Perhaps they will learn that there is no end in what a hell will acquire through this type of greed, and live a sustainable, humble life style, if any, they can also worship God in their meaningful work for others, in the greening of Christianity, and in building a more just society for their neighbours. It is then, the Kingdom will come to earth when we stop believing in fairy tales, and supporting delusions to enslave others. We are indeed able to believe in God and in this good earth. We will live the rest of our lives in this peace and to that end, we will be. Amen.

My random thoughts about God

 I agree with a few folks upstairs here about this mis-applied verses on temptation. I have been taught that God is alive that he is almighty and all knowing and that he acts in human history. 

I am 47 now, and after serving on Prairie's Board of Directors, and working with children ministry for at least 10 years, served three summers with the Child Evangelism Fellowship, and not counting the numerous hours with church youth groups, and prayer meetings, and praying and reading the holy bible. I have come to a place in my life that our concept of God is human. It is very human, and it is something we made up, perhaps if there is a God out there, it is not like that. God is not Jewish, nor is he merely about material blessing. Jesus was human, but I cannot affirm his miraculous birth, his miracles or his resurrection. All these stories conflict with each other in the gospels, and the more I read, the more conflicts of the details I see. I have come to see Bible as a very human book, and offers a human solution. God is perhaps in our best values, but he is not a being, not a thing, and no a body.Because of this metaphysical way, he cannot and will not intervene. I no longer believe in a Christian triune God. Not like that. What I do affirm, is the goodness of every human beings. There is hope in this green earth, and after we are passed, the world will still be here. It gives me tremendous freedom, and relief to know that my God is dead, that this world comes alive more than ever to me. 
So, in short, my answers differ significantly to yours, and I know so. I was once upon a time, a fundamentalist, after serving Prairie and Ohlhauser, I see that God is not what we think, that God fails to come to our aid, and that God is a figment that we are so afraid to let God. So I would use a usual Prairie phrase, let go and let god. Yea, let us be good. Amen.

My own exegetical work on the Book of Job

May I summarize my own exgetical work on the Book of Job. It seems to me, this book was a product during an exilic period when the pious Jews suffered tremendously at the hands of a foreign culture which could not understand the reasons their Hebrew Lord had given them to suffering. They had obeyed the law and tried to lead a good and religious life, yet terrible things happened. They tried the biblical prophetic message, but this answer is not enough to explain why they suffered, they have, at the end, replaced the answer with material blessings. That at as a good Jew, money can buy everything, so Job was blessed with new women, children. material blessings. The meaning of suffering in Job is meaningless. If it is about righteousness, it is a joke. It was precisely his righteousness that brought on the calamity. If it is about a honour that God deserves in all his action, that God has a free will, it too is absurd. God and his gods act irresponsibly and so people die like flies to them, without a regard at all. Humans are a joke to the divine, they squash them at will. Think of it, God thunders and deafens Job at the end, reduces him to prostrate in the ashes. 

So, what is the meaning of suffering in the book Job? If you isolate the God of Job, he is not at all a loving benign God of Jesus. Job has no need to repent, for he is blameless, upright, fears God and does no evil. He is not a sinner. That is precisely why he was struck. The meaning of suffering of Job mocks us, and holds us spell bound. That bad things happen to good people, that Gods' willing so humans should suffer, that gods refuse to answer why, and when asked, they provoke us and reduce us to nothing, to the lowliest thing on the scale. 

In summary, the Book of Job provides no meaningful answer, that it beckons us to step out of the classical answers to sufferings by Jews or Christians alike

The Firing of Michael Pahl

Recently I read from the Blogger, Bruce Gerencser about the firing of Dr. Michael Pahl from Cedarville University.  It was a shock from the past, as the readers may not be aware of this, I attended Prairie High School, and Pahl was a professor at my former Alma Mater, Prairie Bible Institute.

The dispute was over his doctrinal view on the literal interpretation of Genesis whether he could hold onto a very strict and ultra conservative views on the literal Adam and Eve.  He could he says in his reply to the Board, but 'not on exegetical ground.'  This also was reflected in his recent published book, The Beginning and the End: Rereading Genesis' Stories and Revelation's Visions.

This is not the first time Michael has been asked to resign.  Last time he did, it was very traumatic, since Ohlhauser from PBI forced him and the entire Bible Department to do so at the end of 2008 over the disputes that he put forth a position at the direction of the bible school.  It was truly a traumatic event for him and his family, evident from his blog something about 'Wanderings in the Desert.'

I think for a thinking person, Michael is in the wrong place.  If you read Genesis literally, from the original Hebrew (which I do), it is an outdated cosmology that modern man can no longer affirm.  Those that do, do so, on theological grounds (or virtual grounds).  It cannot be affirmed by modern science in archaeology, biology, or geology.  Yet it is a story closely related to ancient Babylonian myths like the Epic of Gilgamesh.  Any thinking person should steer away from a closed minded fundamentalist position, and by affirming the doctrinal position, this is the very center of the violation to academic inquiry.  Michael is in the wrong place, and if he does not change his cosmology, he will be fired over many times.

Literally reading of Genesis produces an ecology and ethology that is harmful for the earth.  Man is not the centre piece of all gods creation.  No, I do not think so.  Nor do I hold on the the fairy tale that blames man for eating a piece of fruit that was placed there to caused humanity to fail.  No, that is exegetically sadistic.  Any deity that fails to answer that, is a moral evil.  Gods that are able to sexual violate human daughters and resulted in the death of supposedly entire living creation is also a moral evil.  Gods who failed to control their sexual impulses and supposedly they also have sex amongst themselves, are absurd.  Why not be brave enough to admit that periodic floods could come from the end of an ice age, and that we have created these gods to explain natural phenomenon, just as much as we can assume the firing of Michael Pahl is purely political and hatred from a pea brain evangelical-fundamentalist board?

I would say to an honest Michael, "Run, Forest, run!"   Abandon the ridiculous rigid theological ground.  There is no inerrancy, and this position is untenable.  Abandon this illogical position, it is a new invention of the modern hard core new theological atheists.  These atheists do not believe in a god that could move and influence the world, so they do the job themselves, and fire the old professor, and so fulfill the love of christ.   In my former Alma Mater, PBI, they actually had sex with little kids and covered it up, just like the sons of gods in the ancient Genesis.  So far, there is no help from the biblical fictitious god, other than a bunch of people whose life has been onhold  and a President, Mark Maxwell in the foxhole.  Is that the literal reading and exegetical work of the Lord Ben Chung.  I am afraid it is.

Humanly Possible

Ruth, this is beautiful.  It takes me a whole 30 some years to come to the same conclusion.  At the age of 16, I had a conversion experience.  I thought I wanted to serve him in ministry, so I went with CEF.  I met truly fabulous people that yer, and ended at PHS for my final year of high school.  I applied to PBI and was accepted, but my practical and Jewish like parents told me to go on to college.  So I did, spent two years at the UCalgary, and then misfortune occurred as I worked for my family in a sweat shop condition for 1 year at Toronto, and then finished my degree at UToronto before I studied dentistry.  I applied to seminary two more times, never was allow to go.  What it was, was my parents are interested in the mundane matter like a good job and secure income, and a good life.  Having Christ in your life is like an insurance, in case you have to use it, God will help you.  The last time I had god in my life was during my formative year and getting married.  Then I realize that god is their stomach, and whatever that they will get out of it.  I through the help of Soren Kierkegaard, escaped this.  My wife is normal and very joyful, and we have a beautiful family together.

What is god and where is God in all of this?  I propose that the immaterial and even a sense of goodness in all of us, is God.  In Germay, Got is good, and we pray to the goodness that is suppose to be above us and around us and sustains us.  We are afraid to say that there is no such a concretized object as God, and there is nothing like that out there.  He is not there nor to be found.  But we are even more afraid to put our fate into the community we are in.  We do not trust the human goodness.  I have seen evil but I have seen human goodness in helping each other out.  I then firmly place myself in the community here, and learn to see goodness and draw goodness out of people, and no longer fear that we step out of the will of God.  We are, and as far as I know, we are.  As for an evangelical god that is not there, those who trust it are delusional, and they rely on human goodness to get things done, human courts to get justice and human jails to put bad ones away, but they are afraid not to attribute all these beautiful human qualities to god, lest he is angry with them.  That fear is now gone in my system, and I would like to point out that "Christianese" is delusional and gets one no where.  So I no longer attend church or pray in a meaningful way.  I talk to people, spend time in the garden, and learn when I am uncomfortable, to trust my heart and stay on the straight path.  That is being human and learn to laugh at the face of the absurdities of life and to have courage to do what I am to do.  This is why I left the WE KIDS group.  They have trusted in a delusion and they will not lift a finger about them, so nothing gets done.  They keep up praying and stay up and get upset at every turn, there is no courage.  I prefer to pop the molesters, picket and make sure that justice is heard.  They prefer to sit and pray and do nothing.  This is a waste of time, it is absurd.  How can one keep up this praying and hoping that god shows up when he is not there, so that is why they were horribly abused?  But it has come, that we have to have courage to do the right thing, leave god behind, trust in the human goodness and the sense of justice, and when in doubt, definitely take matters into our own hands.  When we are in truth, and if there is God, we are it.  Or we are in it.  or closest to it.  Amen.

My Testimony

My Name is the Lord Ben Chung, and I am an ex-Prairie, ex-evangelical. I have never been happier in my life. I went through a period of time when I could have died for god, and given up every possible earthly comfort, and I would devote my life to the spread of this ‘gospel.’ I studied the bible and held it on the pedestal. I trust it completely with my life. It is the complete trustworthy manual god has written for human beings.

Then the day would come when I discover the hate, the bloody god in the bible. I saw things no one told me about for the first time. When I used to read them with blinders on, it was OK that Jewish slaughter of the Canaanites by the command of god, it was OK to dash their babies on the rocks, to cut their throat for god, stone them and to make sure everyone obeys god. There are many things about the bible I am ashamed that I actually supported, slavery, hate, genocides, repression of races, and most of all, I see contradictions in every page.

I see the denial in Prairians, and their colleagues. I see their desperate attempt to save their religion and their sanity and try to live in the world that no longer believe in this backward and out dated cosmology. Why their god failed to come and save them. Here is the challenge, perhaps Mark Maxwell, Bruce Miller, or Dew, or these sexual abused victims. If your god is so true and this is the only way you can come clean and be saved, why is he all absent? I cannot give an honest intellectual answer. This is why I no longer believe in your god, and if you still do, cry louder, lash your back and make efforts to connect with your god, who is not there. My challenge is to come out of this web of deception, and live as a true human, for this is the only higher calling you have, and leave god behind in the dust. If he is so real, let him come find you, apologize for all the atrocities you have to endured, and stop brainwashing others that he is there. He is not. I said it, he is not there, and it is silent. Live your own life free from fear and repression, take the first journey to be away from a god of hate, and be happy. Most of all, be a human being and proud of it~!

不要對教徒心存偏激

主題： 不要對教徒心存偏激	日期： 2012-05-03
作者： emile01	來源： 本網見證
我是在2007年離開基督教的，早幾天才經朋友知道這個網站的存在…… 比較孤陋寡聞吧。 拜讀過在這裡很多很多篇的出教分享帖，雖發覺有部分帖存在著很重怨氣，但我仍感受良多，不期然再反思自己出教的往事和心路歷程。 就離教之前，因為生活上繼續過得不愉快，和見到某些所謂教徒，只會接納對自己有利的聖經教化，重新思考了很久。 或者有教徒又會覺得，我又是因為人的因素，而放棄了他們的神。但，我卻不認為如此。 當我開始有懷疑，當我明白、發覺自己開始失去信心時，我真的用了很長時間去讀經，請教導師和牧師，曾多番祈禱，多次跪地禱告，多次求和神去聯繫，多次為自己的軟弱而流淚……很久很久…… 最後甚麼回應也沒有！ 那時，幾經掙扎後，結論想法：可能甚麼也沒有，或，如果有神，而這個神是這麼對待世人，那麼我寧願成為魔，然後用我作為魔的方法，去幫助其他人。 當時還以一流行曲的其中幾句為座右銘：神，你不喜歡我，逼我入了魔…… 是很偏激吧……那時天主教和基督教對我來說，的確是負面的。 到再之後半年左右，看了一部電影，男主角於片中結尾部分講了一句，類似：就算耶穌不是聖人，但世人需要他存在…… 再反思…… 真的，世上有人需要耶穌的存在，天父／天主的存在，或者應該說，世人需要宗教的存在。 就算我知道其實甚麼都沒有，又何苦道破，又何必攻擊那些有需要的人…… 慢慢，我對天主／基督教、教徒們的負面情緒沒有了…… 我想那些在這裡分享過的師兄、姐們，試著反思多點，到底自己是否只係因為人的因素而唔再信，定或發覺真的甚麼也沒有才不再信，免得給教徒們解畫的話柄吧。 我亦希望大家不要對他們心存偏激，當然行為不檢者除外，不竟人總有軟弱時，宗教確是一種好好的舒解方法。 http://networkedblogs.com/xbvmM