Gospel of Hammers

The gospel according to Warpington:

Bene D asks the Master Warpington, “How is it that some have a hammer, and others are nails. How do nails enter into the Kingdom of Heavens?”

The Master Warpington answers, “My son, some are nails because of the kingdom, and others became hammers because they chose to. If they do not all turn into hammers at once, then those who were nailed 40 years ago were nailed in vain.”

Bene D looked visibly puzzled, and became agitated, so he asks once more, “But Master, the hammers are all full of love, why would they nailed others to the cross?”

Looking serene, the Master Warpington answers, “My son, it is all for the glory of God, it is all for the gory of God! Some will enter the kingdom by submission as if nailed, and others will do so by force. If a man does not get nailed, and a woman not clubbed, then the sun will turn into the moon and the child within you shall die. For the Kingdom is a mystery to those who seek justice.”

Bene D looked visibly sad, and he drooped his shoulders and walked away. For he too, has been nailed for the answers that Master Warpington has given him. For it is with those who seek the Kingdom. It is now within the nails, Amen.

The Gospel of Bene Diction Blogs ON

So Bene Diction asked Miriam Mollering, “Are you the Chief Spokesperson for Prairie's abused?”

“You have said so,” Mollering replied.

4 Then Bene Diction announced to Brother John Kepler from the Healing Team, Brother Warpington and the crowd, “I find no basis for a charge against this woman.”

5 But they insisted, “She stirs up the people all over PBI by her teaching. She started in Calgary and has come all the way here.”

6 On hearing this, Bene D asked if the woman was a woman under the spells at the Healing Team. 7 When he learned that Miriam was under PBI's discrete control, he sent her to the Crites who was also online at that time.

8 When The Head Team person-in-charge, John Kepler and Crites saw Mollering, they were greatly pleased, because for a long time they had been wanting to see her. From what they had heard about her, Crites hoped to see her perform a miracle. 9 He plied her with many questions, but Mollering gave him no answer. 10 The chief from North Carolina, head pastor Gred Gropples of the Foliage Idiots, and many Prairie unconcerned alumni were standing there, vehemently accusing her. 11 Then Crites and his soldiers ridiculed and mocked her. Dressing her in a red dress, they sent her back to Bene Diction. 12 That day Bene D and Brother John Kepler became enemies—before this they had been friends.

13 Brother Bene Diction called together the Healing Team members, PBI Alumni and her administrators, 14 and said to them, “You brought me this woman as one who was inciting the sexually abused to rebellion. I have examined her in your presence and have found no basis for your charges against her. 15 Neither has Linda and Bene D, for they sent her back to us; as you can see, she has done nothing to deserve death. 16 Therefore, I will punish her and then release her.” [17] [a]

18 But the whole Alumni shouted, “Away with this woman! Release Sheila to us!” 19 (Sheila had been thrown into prison for bullying in the school, and for character murder.)

20 Wanting to release Mollering, Bene Diction appealed to them again. 21 But they kept shouting, “Crucify her Crucify her!”

22 For the third time he spoke to them: “Why? What crime has this woman committed? I have found in her no grounds for the death penalty. Therefore I will have her punished and then release her.”

23 But with loud shouts they insistently demanded that she be crucified, and their shouts prevailed. 24 So Brother Bene decided to grant their demand. 25 He released Sheila who had been thrown into prison for bullying and character assassination the one they asked for, and surrendered Mollering to their will.”