Saturday, November 3, 2012

My own exegetical work on the Book of Job

May I summarize my own exgetical work on the Book of Job. It seems to me, this book was a product during an exilic period when the pious Jews suffered tremendously at the hands of a foreign culture which could not understand the reasons their Hebrew Lord had given them to suffering. They had obeyed the law and tried to lead a good and religious life, yet terrible things happened. They tried the biblical prophetic message, but this answer is not enough to explain why they suffered, they have, at the end, replaced the answer with material blessings. That at as a good Jew, money can buy everything, so Job was blessed with new women, children. material blessings. The meaning of suffering in Job is meaningless. If it is about righteousness, it is a joke. It was precisely his righteousness that brought on the calamity. If it is about a honour that God deserves in all his action, that God has a free will, it too is absurd. God and his gods act irresponsibly and so people die like flies to them, without a regard at all. Humans are a joke to the divine, they squash them at will. Think of it, God thunders and deafens Job at the end, reduces him to prostrate in the ashes. 

So, what is the meaning of suffering in the book Job? If you isolate the God of Job, he is not at all a loving benign God of Jesus. Job has no need to repent, for he is blameless, upright, fears God and does no evil. He is not a sinner. That is precisely why he was struck. The meaning of suffering of Job mocks us, and holds us spell bound. That bad things happen to good people, that Gods' willing so humans should suffer, that gods refuse to answer why, and when asked, they provoke us and reduce us to nothing, to the lowliest thing on the scale. 

In summary, the Book of Job provides no meaningful answer, that it beckons us to step out of the classical answers to sufferings by Jews or Christians alike

Friday, November 2, 2012

The Firing of Michael Pahl

Recently I read from the Blogger, Bruce Gerencser about the firing of Dr. Michael Pahl from Cedarville University.  It was a shock from the past, as the readers may not be aware of this, I attended Prairie High School, and Pahl was a professor at my former Alma Mater, Prairie Bible Institute.

The dispute was over his doctrinal view on the literal interpretation of Genesis whether he could hold onto a very strict and ultra conservative views on the literal Adam and Eve.  He could he says in his reply to the Board, but 'not on exegetical ground.'  This also was reflected in his recent published book, The Beginning and the End: Rereading Genesis' Stories and Revelation's Visions.

This is not the first time Michael has been asked to resign.  Last time he did, it was very traumatic, since Ohlhauser from PBI forced him and the entire Bible Department to do so at the end of 2008 over the disputes that he put forth a position at the direction of the bible school.  It was truly a traumatic event for him and his family, evident from his blog something about 'Wanderings in the Desert.'

I think for a thinking person, Michael is in the wrong place.  If you read Genesis literally, from the original Hebrew (which I do), it is an outdated cosmology that modern man can no longer affirm.  Those that do, do so, on theological grounds (or virtual grounds).  It cannot be affirmed by modern science in archaeology, biology, or geology.  Yet it is a story closely related to ancient Babylonian myths like the Epic of Gilgamesh.  Any thinking person should steer away from a closed minded fundamentalist position, and by affirming the doctrinal position, this is the very center of the violation to academic inquiry.  Michael is in the wrong place, and if he does not change his cosmology, he will be fired over many times.

Literally reading of Genesis produces an ecology and ethology that is harmful for the earth.  Man is not the centre piece of all gods creation.  No, I do not think so.  Nor do I hold on the the fairy tale that blames man for eating a piece of fruit that was placed there to caused humanity to fail.  No, that is exegetically sadistic.  Any deity that fails to answer that, is a moral evil.  Gods that are able to sexual violate human daughters and resulted in the death of supposedly entire living creation is also a moral evil.  Gods who failed to control their sexual impulses and supposedly they also have sex amongst themselves, are absurd.  Why not be brave enough to admit that periodic floods could come from the end of an ice age, and that we have created these gods to explain natural phenomenon, just as much as we can assume the firing of Michael Pahl is purely political and hatred from a pea brain evangelical-fundamentalist board?

I would say to an honest Michael, "Run, Forest, run!"   Abandon the ridiculous rigid theological ground.  There is no inerrancy, and this position is untenable.  Abandon this illogical position, it is a new invention of the modern hard core new theological atheists.  These atheists do not believe in a god that could move and influence the world, so they do the job themselves, and fire the old professor, and so fulfill the love of christ.   In my former Alma Mater, PBI, they actually had sex with little kids and covered it up, just like the sons of gods in the ancient Genesis.  So far, there is no help from the biblical fictitious god, other than a bunch of people whose life has been onhold  and a President, Mark Maxwell in the foxhole.  Is that the literal reading and exegetical work of the Lord Ben Chung.  I am afraid it is.

Monday, July 2, 2012

Humanly Possible

Ruth, this is beautiful.  It takes me a whole 30 some years to come to the same conclusion.  At the age of 16, I had a conversion experience.  I thought I wanted to serve him in ministry, so I went with CEF.  I met truly fabulous people that yer, and ended at PHS for my final year of high school.  I applied to PBI and was accepted, but my practical and Jewish like parents told me to go on to college.  So I did, spent two years at the UCalgary, and then misfortune occurred as I worked for my family in a sweat shop condition for 1 year at Toronto, and then finished my degree at UToronto before I studied dentistry.  I applied to seminary two more times, never was allow to go.  What it was, was my parents are interested in the mundane matter like a good job and secure income, and a good life.  Having Christ in your life is like an insurance, in case you have to use it, God will help you.  The last time I had god in my life was during my formative year and getting married.  Then I realize that god is their stomach, and whatever that they will get out of it.  I through the help of Soren Kierkegaard, escaped this.  My wife is normal and very joyful, and we have a beautiful family together.

What is god and where is God in all of this?  I propose that the immaterial and even a sense of goodness in all of us, is God.  In Germay, Got is good, and we pray to the goodness that is suppose to be above us and around us and sustains us.  We are afraid to say that there is no such a concretized object as God, and there is nothing like that out there.  He is not there nor to be found.  But we are even more afraid to put our fate into the community we are in.  We do not trust the human goodness.  I have seen evil but I have seen human goodness in helping each other out.  I then firmly place myself in the community here, and learn to see goodness and draw goodness out of people, and no longer fear that we step out of the will of God.  We are, and as far as I know, we are.  As for an evangelical god that is not there, those who trust it are delusional, and they rely on human goodness to get things done, human courts to get justice and human jails to put bad ones away, but they are afraid not to attribute all these beautiful human qualities to god, lest he is angry with them.  That fear is now gone in my system, and I would like to point out that "Christianese" is delusional and gets one no where.  So I no longer attend church or pray in a meaningful way.  I talk to people, spend time in the garden, and learn when I am uncomfortable, to trust my heart and stay on the straight path.  That is being human and learn to laugh at the face of the absurdities of life and to have courage to do what I am to do.  This is why I left the WE KIDS group.  They have trusted in a delusion and they will not lift a finger about them, so nothing gets done.  They keep up praying and stay up and get upset at every turn, there is no courage.  I prefer to pop the molesters, picket and make sure that justice is heard.  They prefer to sit and pray and do nothing.  This is a waste of time, it is absurd.  How can one keep up this praying and hoping that god shows up when he is not there, so that is why they were horribly abused?  But it has come, that we have to have courage to do the right thing, leave god behind, trust in the human goodness and the sense of justice, and when in doubt, definitely take matters into our own hands.  When we are in truth, and if there is God, we are it.  Or we are in it.  or closest to it.  Amen.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

My Testimony

My Name is the Lord Ben Chung, and I am an ex-Prairie, ex-evangelical. I have never been happier in my life. I went through a period of time when I could have died for god, and given up every possible earthly comfort, and I would devote my life to the spread of this ‘gospel.’ I studied the bible and held it on the pedestal. I trust it completely with my life. It is the complete trustworthy manual god has written for human beings.
Then the day would come when I discover the hate, the bloody god in the bible. I saw things no one told me about for the first time. When I used to read them with blinders on, it was OK that Jewish slaughter of the Canaanites by the command of god, it was OK to dash their babies on the rocks, to cut their throat for god, stone them and to make sure everyone obeys god. There are many things about the bible I am ashamed that I actually supported, slavery, hate, genocides, repression of races, and most of all, I see contradictions in every page.
I see the denial in Prairians, and their colleagues. I see their desperate attempt to save their religion and their sanity and try to live in the world that no longer believe in this backward and out dated cosmology. Why their god failed to come and save them. Here is the challenge, perhaps Mark Maxwell, Bruce Miller, or Dew, or these sexual abused victims. If your god is so true and this is the only way you can come clean and be saved, why is he all absent? I cannot give an honest intellectual answer. This is why I no longer believe in your god, and if you still do, cry louder, lash your back and make efforts to connect with your god, who is not there. My challenge is to come out of this web of deception, and live as a true human, for this is the only higher calling you have, and leave god behind in the dust. If he is so real, let him come find you, apologize for all the atrocities you have to endured, and stop brainwashing others that he is there. He is not. I said it, he is not there, and it is silent. Live your own life free from fear and repression, take the first journey to be away from a god of hate, and be happy. Most of all, be a human being and proud of it~!

Thursday, May 3, 2012


主題: 不要對教徒心存偏激 日期: 2012-05-03
作者: emile01 來源: 本網見證


Thursday, April 5, 2012

Gospel of Hammers

The gospel according to Warpington:
Bene D asks the Master Warpington, “How is it that some have a hammer, and others are nails. How do nails enter into the Kingdom of Heavens?”
The Master Warpington answers, “My son, some are nails because of the kingdom, and others became hammers because they chose to. If they do not all turn into hammers at once, then those who were nailed 40 years ago were nailed in vain.”
Bene D looked visibly puzzled, and became agitated, so he asks once more, “But Master, the hammers are all full of love, why would they nailed others to the cross?”
Looking serene, the Master Warpington answers, “My son, it is all for the glory of God, it is all for the gory of God! Some will enter the kingdom by submission as if nailed, and others will do so by force. If a man does not get nailed, and a woman not clubbed, then the sun will turn into the moon and the child within you shall die. For the Kingdom is a mystery to those who seek justice.”
Bene D looked visibly sad, and he drooped his shoulders and walked away. For he too, has been nailed for the answers that Master Warpington has given him. For it is with those who seek the Kingdom. It is now within the nails, Amen.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

The Gospel of Bene Diction Blogs ON

So Bene Diction asked Miriam Mollering, “Are you the Chief Spokesperson for Prairie's abused?”
You have said so,” Mollering replied.
4 Then Bene Diction announced to Brother John Kepler from the Healing Team, Brother Warpington and the crowd, “I find no basis for a charge against this woman.”
5 But they insisted, “She stirs up the people all over PBI by her teaching. She started in Calgary and has come all the way here.”
6 On hearing this, Bene D asked if the woman was a woman under the spells at the Healing Team. 7 When he learned that Miriam was under PBI's discrete control, he sent her to the Crites who was also online at that time.
8 When The Head Team person-in-charge, John Kepler and Crites saw Mollering, they were greatly pleased, because for a long time they had been wanting to see her. From what they had heard about her, Crites hoped to see her perform a miracle. 9 He plied her with many questions, but Mollering gave him no answer. 10 The chief from North Carolina, head pastor Gred Gropples of the Foliage Idiots, and many Prairie unconcerned alumni were standing there, vehemently accusing her. 11 Then Crites and his soldiers ridiculed and mocked her. Dressing her in a red dress, they sent her back to Bene Diction. 12 That day Bene D and Brother John Kepler became enemies—before this they had been friends.
13 Brother Bene Diction called together the Healing Team members, PBI Alumni and her administrators, 14 and said to them, “You brought me this woman as one who was inciting the sexually abused to rebellion. I have examined her in your presence and have found no basis for your charges against her. 15 Neither has Linda and Bene D, for they sent her back to us; as you can see, she has done nothing to deserve death. 16 Therefore, I will punish her and then release her.” [17] [a]
18 But the whole Alumni shouted, “Away with this woman! Release Sheila to us!” 19 (Sheila had been thrown into prison for bullying in the school, and for character murder.)
20 Wanting to release Mollering, Bene Diction appealed to them again. 21 But they kept shouting, “Crucify her Crucify her!”
22 For the third time he spoke to them: “Why? What crime has this woman committed? I have found in her no grounds for the death penalty. Therefore I will have her punished and then release her.”
23 But with loud shouts they insistently demanded that she be crucified, and their shouts prevailed. 24 So Brother Bene decided to grant their demand. 25 He released Sheila who had been thrown into prison for bullying and character assassination the one they asked for, and surrendered Mollering to their will.”

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Mars Hill Church

"What started with a beautiful beginning - three families sent from Antioch Bible Church in
Kirkland to plant a “daughter church” in Seattle that would be authentic and relevant to reach the
lost - has turned into the personal ministry of one very ambitious man. Although it is still called a
church, I think a more honest and accurate name might be “Mark Driscoll Ministries,” not unlike
the name for Billy Graham’s organization, a man who Mark has said he greatly admires. I think
what we are seeing demonstrates a confused ecclesiology and I fear this is also being taught to
many other young church planters through the Acts 29 Network who want to “have” a church
just like Mark’s.
The amalgamation of church and personal ministry did not happen overnight. The church began
committed to certain distinctives, like biblical eldership, and core values like “meaning, truth,
beauty and community” and then one driven, talented individual eventually monopolized power,
pushed all dissenters away, and turned the church into a “City within a City” where he functions
like a king because he believes this is the best way to “grow the numbers.” And in this case,
Mark has proven that to be true, drawing in thousands with his entertaining (and regrettably often
crass and inappropriate) speaking. I realize that many believe this is great and see no problem
with it. But I would never have agreed to this if it had been openly stated - and I believe many
others would have felt the same. I believe this was spiritually abusive toward all the members of
the church at that time. And, apparently, a thousand or so members had problems with it as well
and chose not to renew their membership in 2008 after the leadership cancelled everyone’s
membership and asked them to reinstate as members under the new bylaws'

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Collected Thoughts on the Bible

It seems to me that a collection of books and records has been elevated to a pedestal that it cannot fail?  So it is hailed as the Word of God and has every perfection known to men.  I mean, sometimes ago I even found this, someone is hailing the 'biblical diet' and promoting it as the healthy way to live.  Everything about it, is perfect, and even the ground they walked on.  This holy land phenomenon, and everyone, if they had money, would like to visit the holy ground that Jesus walked on,  

It makes little sense to me, that this holy diet is the way to go, if the Inuits adopt this diet, they will all die.  Literally, the Inuits are suppose to live in the land of ice and snow with tundra.  The cannot access the regular iron/rare vitamins, except if they drink blood and eat the innards of their games.  They usually leave the steaks to dogs,since there is no nutrients,  So, these Inuit are dying already since they left their ancient ways and try to live in the 21st century, things had to be flown in since they don't have access to grains/bread/modern diets.  So, they are having diabetes and other modern diseases, as soon as they adopt this way.  When I found out about this biblical nonsense, then, I realize, the bible was written by people who lived in that area, within a period of time.  They are limited to such time-space continuum.  They are not absolutes like we put them on a pedestal.  

I refuse to blindly read and give it a pass,.  I no longer do.  I read the portions that touch me, issues of emancipation, of love and mercy.  These prayer so profoundly touch me by the Psalmists.   I however, have learned to leave the infallibility issue behind.  Perhaps the closest I will come to, is that it contains the words of God, and if there is a God, his words must be everywhere, inhis works, his animals and his people.  That would be a universalized event.  It is not partial or limited to only a narrowly elf-appointed people and they do not alone have this grace.  They make mistakes like we do, their culture sink into their texts, their way of life, their cruelty, their insularity and their ways to treat women, children, infidels, atheists, and gays are permeating through their holy texts, ad by blindingly subscribing to these murderous thoughts, we have committed the unspeakable crime against humanity,

So may the modification of the words of Jesus:  Bible is written for man, not man for Bible, man is also Lord of the bible.

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The Story of Christianity, A fiction

I see the misquoting Jesus precisely in this light. Perhaps we did have a small town religious teacher, with a common name like ‘Sam.’ And he had a questionable paternity, since no one ever claimed to be his father, neither did he named one. His mother perhaps had some back ground, a few kids with the second marriage. This young man had a way with words, and certainly was able to hold a few folks in his area spell-bound. His friends followed him and supplied his daily needs, until he offended the powers that be in the city of Jerusalem, and in one small operation, they got rid of him and hung him. The mystery came after his death that perhaps some 30-50 years later, they claimed that he is still living. This type of mystery and a new zealous convert named Saul claimed also to have some religious near death experience, which he claimed to have heard this small town folk named ‘Sam.’ He was much better trained and more forceful, he was able to even to push the original friends of this ‘Sam’ around and made a few changes to convert Greeks and Romans. He was so successful, that his brand of faith emerged as the primary winner and he made sure that he had enough organization to push his ‘Mars Hill Church’ discipline. Women were silenced, kept out of major decision making, gays were ostracized, although he taught that they were eventually be eliminated, but he stopped short of killing them himself,.
This is just fiction, but it is worthy of some discussion.

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

On Being Human

Dear Art, you seem to be a genuine human and your experience in faiths and circumstances is worthwhile. As for a personal experience with the living Christ, that is a great claim. I have no way of verifying this spiritual experience, except to add that you have such experience and it is genuine to you. I have no such experience, When I was growing up in a charismatic church, it was full of people who claim to have such and such experience. Some had visions, others prophesied, and some had the experience in heaven and hell. While I do not personally have such, neither will I seek such, for it no longer gives meaning to me and what I am today.
I am, by the grace and love of my fellow humans, been given a place to live and work, and hold a lovely family. I have to work for this way of life, and I am not a man without life struggles. But I find it meaningful to be human, and to live in a wonderful community. I find it puzzling after I walked away from this type pf existential faith, that rests on personal experiences in the spiritual and divine matters. I no longer find this fulfilling or real. Instead, I notice that there is a lot of tension for people to assert such divine grace in their lives, that when questioned, or disbelieved, they have a real problem, and a cognitive dissonance about their ‘real’ experience. I do not feel it is my right to question what had happened to you in your near death experience. I do however, like to point out that I enjoy this life, and I no longer find faith and its answers fulfilling to life’s most urging and difficult problems. I stopped seeking this type of answers a long time ago, I do however, believe in love and justice and peace, and in these immaterial aspirations of human, if you will, call that divine. I see this impersonal immaterial being(s) at work. I appreciate the beautify of the sun rise, and sun set, and as the seasons change, we are indeed blessed with this ‘divine’ grace. I however, no longer look to this thing, to find fulfillment, and I find it puzzling to hold a conversation with my former self, such as yourself, who asserts the reality of this faith. I appreciate the nature and the love of a human community, In this, I will affirm Ruth’s aspiration to love and to live as true humans, and not to seek a mental construct such as faith in order to derive one’s meaning of existing. I find this view not ‘sad’ or dejected. Rather, I see this as the first step to be human and to live a life worthy and examined. When I die, I will find out all this stuff you talked about, whether it is a mental construct, or is it the biblical and ancient way to describe it as falling asleep and be gathered to ones ancient family, where memory is no more (Eccel), and to live fully and to love wastefully and to enjoy, that is the lot of man.
I don’t think I can persuade you to change your personal experience just as you may not be able to change my personal view on being human in this world and all that I can see, is in this human community and the place we call home.

The Story of Job

One of the sacred teaching of St Paul is that all have sinned, and therefore since all are sinners and have fallen short of God’s glory, they need a saviour. Jesus is tat Saviour, that God-man whom inthe sacred theology to complete the circle of human salvation. For indeed, they quote often, “All have sinned,and fall short pf the glory of God,” and All our righteousness is like filthy rags.”
It cannot be. For this biblical figure, Job has not sinned. Read this for yourselves, It is a story, a myth, that before St Paul developed his theology of substitutionary atonement theory, that you need a saviour figure, Job did not sinned, in the entire story. He asserts that he is innocent, that he is blameless and upright, and God has vindicated him, and although he will die and yet in his flesh he shall see God. God boasts of him that there is no one like him, so blameless and upright, a fearer of God, That he is perfect, This z’adiq of Job is what vindicates him, he does not need a Saviour,. For his action actually saved him, if you read this,
This pokes holes in the atonement theory, that all have sinned. Job has not. He is not the only exception, Enoch has not sinned either, and he was also saved, more miraculously than Job, for God took him while he was alive as he is not on the earth no more. So, at least two blatant exception to the Psalmist claim that all sinned, and St Paul is wrong here,
What does that mean for the biblical inerrancy theory? It is contradictory, since the authors do not all agreed, they take what they want from texts to text to make a point. But as Job, the story is a complete unit, and it proposes differently about theodicy than St Paul,
Not all have sinned, Jo did not,. He is saved by his own righteousness, though he asserts that he willbe saved, even though his flesh will be no more, yet he shall see God in his flesh, God vindicates his theology, and rewards him, in the similar faith epics suggests bythe Book of Hebrew. Those who seek him, so do in faith, and shall be rewarded.
Did Job sin? Do every living human need salvation? Job does not, his story is unique. He has not sinned, his righteousness saved him, and in the same way, saved all of us from the tyranny of Evangelicals who assert they have righteousness by ‘faith’ alone. No they do not, they have faith merely, but not righteous in action, Perhaps they need a saviour, Perhaps they are in serious doubt for their own salvation, they have sinned through inaction, through ignorance, and their own willful ignorance will condemn them in the last days……….a story unlike the epic of Job.

Monday, February 13, 2012

A prayer

O God, and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who sits in the heavens and with an occasion,
Look down below and see what it is with us humans!
Laugh in thy throne with your own messiah
But not forget us humans, who suffer daily, due to the evils
Thou espoused and supported, o prove me wrong, thou the Divine
And admist thy lack of power, come forth and awaken to thy
Power, lest men will make fun of Thy knowledge and power
And thy enemies will be thy lord?
Awake and open the eyes of the Prairie people
Let the Jobian whirlwind blow against them and their follies
And as thou hast not answered Job in his pain, at least
Restore what was lost to our survivors, their dignity, their humanity
Their self, an image unbroken by violence and trauma
Awake o thou the sleeping god, come to our aid, Unless
Thou art a fiction, a figment of our mind?

Saturday, February 11, 2012

How my intimacy with 'god' is damaged

This is an ongoing dialogue as I tried to explained to a good atheist friend my own journey away from faith:

So here is how my personal intimate relationship with "God" is damaged. 

My cultural background is a confucian-presbyterian teaching that stresses on blind obedience. I have aslo suspected my mother's upbringing of me is about 'breaking the will' theory, she did that to my brother and so we all followed. Not a question was allowed and that went as far as all the decisions they made for you. At a young age of 13 I was sent to live with my uncle, with my older brother and younger sister. This form of authoritarianism was my childhood. I was not allow to form friendship outside of the host family.....primarily that would take up a lot of my time to study, no sports no conventions, etc, when my folks were denied entry to Canada, esp my own mother. My dad was able to make aquick visit between every 2 years. When the relationship of my host family deteriorated, I was the problem solver. I found Prairie High School. It was far away in the prairies of Alberta, but cheap enough all three of us could go. I have always been a problem solver in my family, even in marital solution.

The blind obedience forced me not to attend bible college, for my religious and sincere folks although they claim that they love "God" but making a good living and having a good life is much more important. Or they used the delay technique. So they would say, when you are ready, finished all this is required of you (meaning tobe a professional) you can do as you please. As you can tell, I did finish Harvard Dental School, but inthe process, the critical thinking had also damaged my simple and childish faith in the evangelical god. This is to be a pattern in my life, they would 'suggest' something, I would have no choice but to obey. The 'big stick' was always that is what 'god' required of me. So threetimes I tried to apply to the theological seminary, three times I had to withdraw, at the end, I am so ladden with debt, I have no other choice but to keep working. That is another story.

The key is this breaking the will of a rebellious child because they know what is best for you. My brother suffered the most and my sister as well. I was the brave one. I questioned a lof of their decisions, and came to realize that as humans, they are selfish and they cannot see that part of selfishness, and their decisions havenot all been honest or good, but they cannot be questioned, so when the final conflict rises, there is no where to turn but to open become rebellious and starts a revolution. So I did. I do not date casually. My relations is heterosexual and I am not interested in men, but early on I learned that there is no guidance or help along the way. According to my folks, I cannot marry whoever I wanted until I have fulfill their standard. Then there is no standard other than money. I dated a white girl briefly at Prairie, it was very traumatizing, since she is too white and there a lot of cultural gap. She would be the Bill Gothard type, I wonder how much brain she has....ny folks completely shun me and would not even discuss this topic. So the girl withdrew and cut off the relationship, then I did not date for the longest time. Then I briefly tried again with a Canadian born Chinese girl, that was no good, because she is not Taiwanese. So I tried a Taiwanese student, and again that was no good because she has a poor education as her background. Then I stopped dating all together, became very monastic , which is re enforced by my own reading of 'spirituality' which always detests sexuality. I was about to join the Jesuits after watching the movie the Mission, than in my last dental school year, briefly and this time is the final I met my wife. A Presbyterian Taiwanese girl who has an extensive ministers in her family and she was a MIT college junior at the time. My father is trained as an engineer, so MIT is the god temple of his worship. But even that, he still objected. since they also checked her background, and this time they said she had no money.

I was ready to join the Jesuits, and this time I finally realize that they have no morals, no standards like Jews. That also significantly damaged my respect for the Lord and my folks. This damage would slowly emerge when I moved further and further as I see my folks in the God I worship. So as I pulled away, and all my philosophical constructs fall apart, of God, of parents, of the 5th commandment, and that would imply I would move further and further down the slippery path. 

That was 16 years ago. I have tried but unsuccessfully to confront my own folks about this emotional abuse but unsuccessful. I get a partial apology, that is not enough for me. For they also have locked me in a financial arrangement that I canot get out, unless I commit suicide. MY father's favorite saying is , "If the imperial edict is for his minister to die, had he not die the death, he is a bad minister." F## this. They always make you feel you owe them so much that there is no recourse, but to obey. F## this too. I no longer do have any intimate relationship with this abusive relationship since Hannah was born, and that was 4 years ago. I have not permitted them to come and stay in my house , and this winter they are trying again, I think Iam going to say no.