Dear Peggy:
I would ask Allen to read
it for me, this is a slightly long response to what I heard about
chemo therapy, and its horrible side effects.
Let me respond to that.
I have had two pancreatic cancer family members. Sister Christine
died of it 2 years and father died of it in three months after its
initial diagnosis. Andrew my brother has a lung cancer soon after my
father was diagnosed, and it was located to one lobe and so it was
surgically removed. As far as I know, it was a lucky thing, since he
panicked after dad was diagnosed here in the US while visiting me.
He had surgery right away to removed that part of the lung and missed
out on dad's funeral. I ran the whole thing, with the help of
cousins -Pei, Ivan, Amos and Louis and everyone.
The first thing that
popped into my mind is that I could carry a gene that makes me
susceptible to pancreatic cancer. Two dead ones, and one is still
alive. I was told to get my body scanned, poked and checked every
year, and see if early detection could save my life. I was still
hurting from losing my sister - that really hurt, and for dad, not so
much other than a sigh of relief. My dad and I dont see things eye
to eye, and I resent the fact I am in the US, living in exile, away
from family and Chinese culture. I thought about getting MRI, CT
scans and other tests. In the end, I accept that I cannot change
things. Maybe it may take awhile to get my turn, but I think it is
coming. I am finally made peace with it. I accepted that I cannot
change the future and it is my lot in life - that I am born, that I
suffer and in the end I will die.
But in the midst of all that, I
became also aware how precious life is. Life is a gift, I wake up,
smell the familiar smell, that light the comes into my bed room, and
the birds chirp and all that small but familiar noise and smell and
faces. Life is a gift, and I should not take it lightly. It comes
from God, the source of all goodness. I am reminded that Jesus once
said to his friends and disciples, that "If you do not change
your mind (repent), you will all likewise perish." Some thought
bad things happened because of our failure and mistakes. It has
nothing to do with it, things just happened. Tower in Siloam
fell,and crushed a few resident for no good reason. Suffering, in my
opinion is random and absurd. but that is not all what life is. |
I
came to my own resolution. I am determine to enjoy my life, to live
a good life and in whatever I do, I am not going to live in
perpetuate fear of it. I got rid of people whom I dont care for - eg
my wife's maternal uncles. They have not been around anymore after
they continue to verbally assault and abuse me for being a Chinese,
that is, in their eyes, I am a "Chinaman". I got rid of
them, they no longer comes. I made some changes in my life, found my
identity, instead of living in exile, I am looking forward to see
China unites with Taiwan in one peaceful one big happy family, I am
also determined to be buried in Taiwan right next to my grandfather.
In other word, just like Christine, she went home, lived, gt sick and
died and be buried there. She found her peace. I found mine.
At
this time, living a long time, or living a short time no longer
concerns me. If I need to do something, I'd do it, If I need to
spend the time and money, I'd do it, life is short and precious, why
waste it. Or in my case, why waste on people who hate you and make
life worse? I'd move on, do my thing.
I no longer have the belief in
the afterlife - it does not matter to me anymore, if it is there, it
is a bonus. But I focus in the times I have, to live a good life, to
help others when I can, yes I have lots crazy old dying patients. I
treat them all royally, best I can. In time, I hope to come and
visit. Have a good time, to eat, to gain a few pounds, and to make a
mess wherever I go.
I no longer waste time. I enjoy life. Please
smile, as I am gaining a few pounds, eat at least two eggs a day,
with fresh fruits, rice and fried pork. This is why I am such
against any religion that denounces Chinese deep fried crispy pork,
Finally, bretherns, whatsoever things are true, honest, of a good
report, think on these things, if there be any praise, and if there
be any fried duck, pork, gai-lan, and mah - boa, think on these
things.
See you soon.
By this holy sign + Friar Ben
Philippians
4;4-9 this phrase stuck with me "Quacumque sunt vera"
"Whatsoever things are true" it comes from y childhood
)teen years) in Vancouver, BC, right at the time I stayed with Peggy
and all the cousins.
