Friday, April 1, 2016

Christine and Her Chemo

Written to my sister Christine as she decided to go off her chemo. She has stage 4 pancreatic caner since October 2014:

Quitin: a very happy new year to you. When you write this message last night, I was watching a movie online, "The Sum of all fears" so I did not respond to your testimony and your decision to go off chemo therapy. 

Much of what i have learnt the last few years, is that I live every day. That I treat each and every day as if it is my last, and I treasure my time with the work that I do and the time with my family. 

Like I seemingly wasted a few hours yesterday trying to treat a poorly English Immigrant speaker from Haiti, failed to extract a bad tooth. But if you think of it, I have been seeing him since Tues, and each and every day I tried to make it to see him in Dennis , after work, but without much success, that bad tooth failed to loosen up and I spent at least three hours. But we got talking, and I learnt French again. and meanwhile my kids and family were eating late lunch at the nearby Brazillian Grill. But if you check the FB pictures, I made it to the end of the meal and still enjoyed the day. 

The lesson to take away is to enjoy each and every day. I lave learnt this phrase, "Every man dies, but not every man has really lived!" 

And after my awakening to my own sense of responsibility, and to the fact that I have being worshipping false idols (eg Jesus, Yaweh, and the Jew god thing), I have come to realize that much of what I was taught, is an illusion, and not real. We were always told this world is not worthy in comparison to the next world. So we put things off. We wait, and and miss our chances in life, So I learnt to put mom and dad first, failed to tell them the truth, and failed to listen to my wife. Andrew has his own problems to solve, we shold not have decided to bring him to Cape Cod, etc. And year after year, I live in the lie of this Christian Evangelical story about God and Christ our Lord. Now I have come to it, there is no afterlife, I no longer need to worship false gods of Jesus or Jehovah, now I am free, and I no longer have to listen to the false promises of mom and dad. They dont have the money, and they live a poor life though as if they do have the wealth. Their promises, their gesture to help. I saw through all of that, I know they are poor. It is not because they have the lack of cash. No, they are poor because they are poor at heart and they need the assurance of Half witted Jew to tell them how to live here and his false promise that there is a paradise for them after life. So they cling to their possessions, their land their houses. They cling to the idea how to appease an angry Jewish god, that God will be angry if they do as much as to step put of his will. The God they worship is an idol, it is in their imagination, he does not punish people with infertility, or strike them with cancer. He is not real. But they live this poverty stricken life in the midst of plenty. The air theycould have breath in Canada is sweeter, the water they could have drank if healthier that that hell hole in TW. And the time they missed on the grand children, because they failed to come through, and in effect, they were the first ones to push me into this 'exile' to live in a small town away from all known TW civilization. Then they try to kill me a few things, and try to bankrupt me a few times because they have this idea that they need to hanf on to every little piece of properties. I see through all that. Indeed they are poor,. 

But I am rich! I might not be able to get out of this thing alive, and I do not know how much time I have with my love ones, my wife and kids. But I live every day, I breath that free and unrestrained air, and drink the cup that is prepared for me. I am God. I need no other gods to tell me what I should do and run away from. I finally know that I am the captain of my soul and the master of my fate. So I look no further. I am going to plant a few apple trees, and if it be the Lords will, I shall enjoy the fruits there of in a few years. I learn to live each and every day, as if it is my last,. 

So here it comes a full circle, every man dies, not every one has ever lived! How tragic to know this truth. I would encourage you to live each and every day. If if be the Lords will, that you want nothing to do with chemo, do so with the courageous decsion, to live each day as if it is your last, To enjoy that free air to drink the cup God has prepared for you, But not ot live cowardly, to live as if you need to beg someone to add to your days on earth. No, it is the thing we all have to do, and none of us will ever get out alive, even Jesus had to die and be buried and I do believe he rotted in his grave. But that spirit of defiance, that he lived, he lived unto God and the death he dieth, he dieth unto sin. This sin of ignorance, the sin of avarice, to lust for a few more properties and things, and life that were not meant to be. These are the lives I see for Andrew and my parents. I no longer so do. 

How much time will you have? I am not sure, neither is mine. My time here and now is all that I have. I will treasure that daily. And as you Andrew, it is my decision to wait a few years, perhaps ten before we talk again. and as for dad, I will call him time to time, if needed, but remember the days are drawing a close to his days here. If he were in Toronto, and something were to happen, eg a stroke, an accident,, that he dies while he were there, I have already told him as I do so with you, that I will come up and cremate him. I have the experience to help this professor Gu and I shall not hesitate to do so again. and spread his ashes on grandma's grave. I will do so reverently,but I will not commit to a religious ceremony nor to cause more trouble than it should. Returning to the earth is the most sacred thing itself, and need no gods to bless it, nor these pastoral parasites to feed of. So, enjoy the days of thy youth, pray to God often, and tell him that he has been wrong many times! I do so, with each day l live, and each breath I take, in the courageous act to defy this ancient Christian deity, that he too had to die and be buried in the ground, and that we each live thereafter in this light! Holy New Year to you this year! and I will spend some time today to feed chickens and plant a few new apple trees! What a glorious day today is! Cheers, for I have overcome the world!!

JAN 4TH, 2:14AM

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